"Well has it been said that there is no grief like the grief which does not speak." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

As i stepped into the store, i told myself that i'm just going in to see if they had the books i wanted, and that once i found those books, i would buy them and leave straight away. Liar. You are really hoping to see her, the small voice inside me sneered. Perhaps. But i really want to buy those books, i answered lamely.

As i wandered through the bookshelves, i glanced about, hoping to catch some glimpse of her. When i reached the Fantasy / Science Fiction section, i began looking for the books i want. Occasionally, i would glance about to see if i could spot her.

Sure enough. After a while, i saw a customer asking her something. I saw her lovely head nodding and peeping out of the top of a low bookshelf, as she explained to the customer. I caught a glance of her beautiful face as she turned away to resume her duties.

Trembling slightly, i approached her. I told myself, i'm just going to confirm if that was her. The small voice inside me remained silent.

It was her as she knelt down to sort the various books. It was her beautiful form as she did her duties. It was beyond a shadow of doubt, her.

I fled.

I went back to looking for my books, hoping she would see me and approach me. All the time, i played through the various responses that i would give if she should see and speak to me. Some responses were bitter, some responses were cool and collected, some responses were broken-hearted.

But nay, she didn't see me. You should have approached her, the small voice inside me hissed. Coward. Chicken. Fine, i'll go find her and speak to her, i retorted back. I took the books i wanted and went to find her again, for she had left her earlier position.

As i searched for her, i started to become feverish. Shivers started to run through my body. I felt as if i was drug addict going through cold turkey, and that i was just about to kick the habit completely when i'm offered the drug again and i trembly reached for it.

She was at a counter, talking to another customer. She gestured to him the direction of the book he wanted, and led the way. All this time, i looked from a distance and followed silently. She turned into one of the alleys and showed the customer where the book was. She looked as lovely and as beautiful as ever. My heart ached to hold her in my arms again.

Job done, she turned to walk back to the counter to resume her duties. The dreaded moment had arrived, and all the responses that i had prepared were lost to the whirlwind of emotions i felt.

"Hi! How are you doing?" She smiled as she saw me and approached me. "Been doing some shopping aye?" She gestured to the books in my hand. "You here for coupon day? Do you want me to buy them for you?"

"No... No, i'm good. I... I didn't even know it was coupon day," i stammered.

"You sure? I've got some here. You can use them." She offered as she started to take out the coupons from the tag around her neck.

"No. No. I'm serious. I'm okay, really. I'll buy them on my own." I said hastily.

"So, how are you doing?" She persisted. Tears started to brim my eyes slowly as i looked down and away, "I'm as good as can be expected, i supposed." She nodded slightly.

"So i heard they matched your pay." "They matched my pay?" She looked puzzled and with a hint of dark look on her face. "This store matched your previous job pay," i explained. "Oh yes, they matched my pay. Boy, news sure travel fast, aye?" she said uneasily, her right hand played with her jeans and her legs shifting slightly. Her body language was getting nervous. "Well, i've asked around", i whispered.

"Well, i better get going." I said softly as i started towards a nearby counter. She nodded. After a few steps, she said something which i couldn't quite hear. I looked back and cock my head.

"Its good to see you." Not so good for me however, the small voice inside me whispered.

I smiled sadly and fled from her, as tears threatened to overflow my eyes.

At the counter, i rubbed my eyes furiously and dashed the tears away, determined that no one should see me in this broken state. After paying, i marched determinedly out of the store. From the corner of my eye, i could see that she was back at the counter.

That meeting with her was the wrong thing to do, the small voice inside me rebuked. I could find no response to that.

The whirlwind of emotions continued to rage inside me, as my day went on.