War-On-Flab: D-Day Minus Two

Gentlemen. We have good and bad news to report on the war front.

Good news first. The Battle-for-Jogging is almost won. We have pushed the enemy, Flabby-Thighs, much further than we have expected. The enemy is in chaos and are fleeing as we speak. We expect complete victory in the Coast-of-Jogging within the next few weeks.

Now for the bad news. While we were fighting on the Coast-of-Jogging and pushing the enemy back, we engaged two other enemies in Situp-Town and the City-of-Pullups. The enemies were identified as Spare-Tire-Tummy and Weak-Arms respectively.

Because we were ambushed by these two enemies, casualties are high. We have suffered greatly from these two battles. We have since recovered and are fighting for these two places. In Situp-Town, the battle has entered into a stalemate. Neither side is progressing. But with additional supplies and reinforcements coming in, we expect to defeat Spare-Tire-Tummy in a month or so.

The real trouble, is in the City-of-Pullups. The enemy, Weak-Arms, have taken control of the city and are heavily fortified. Our troops are engaging them in Pullup-urban warfare, but the results are poor. We require a lot of support in this area and i ask you, gentlemen, to give us your backing. We need the Discipline-Artillery to shell them out of their buildings, and the Persistent-Rangers and Keep-Trying-Paratroopers to engage them. If such support is given, we are confident that we will eventually prevail and conquer the City-of-Pullups.

In summary, we are confident in our victory in the Coast-of-Jogging and Situp-Town. If you gentlemen are able to give us your backing in the City-of-Pullups, we are likewise confident of an eventual victory.

This concludes our report on the War-On-Flab. Thank you.

The meeting is adjourned.