My brain wishes my ego had call-waiting.

1. Design, supply and install Manchester United's English Premier League victory over Wigan on 11 May 2008. Location at JJB Stadium.
Price = $_______

2. Design, supply and install Manchester United's Champions League victory over Chelsea on 21 May 2008. Location at Luzhniki Stadium.
Price = $_______

3. Supply labour for crowning Manchester United as English Premier League champions. Location to determined on site.
Price = $_______

4. Supply labour for crowning Manchester United as winners of the Champions League. Location to be determined on site.
Price = $_______

5. Appoint a Singapore Pools Certified Punter with "Expert" Grade for supervision of the above-mentioned scope of works.
Price = $_______

6. Testing, balancing and commissioning for the all Manchester United's victories over the respective oppositions.
Price = $_______

7. Supply materials and labour for one-year maintenance during Defects Liability Period to ensure the continuity of Manchester United's domination of soccer.
Price = $_______

8. Any items not expressively mentioned but are necessary for a complete and satisfactory Double victory for Manchester United.
Price = $_______

So. Anyone? :D