Despite that amazing display of cunning, reflex and physical prowess, your tail still has a death grip on your butt.

To Rafael Benitez:
If you're watching this - but obviously you won't be watching this because you are frothing at the mouth because you've eaten so many sour grapes - but IF you're watching this by mistake:

Eat dust.

We've claimed our 18th English Premiership League trophy, and there will be more to come. And just to give you an idea of how serious we are, here's some poke-in-the-eye information.

Goalkeepers: Ben Foster, 26, Tomasz Kuszczak, 27

Defenders: Rafael Da Silva, 18, Fabio Pereira da Silva, 18

Midfielders: Nani, 22, Rodrigo Possebon, 20, Zoran Tosic, 22

Strikers: Federico Macheda, 17


To Chelsea:
Get your act together. Or rather get a manager that will last you for more than one season. THEN you might be able to challenge us.


To Arsenal:
Another season in transition? How many more seasons do you need before your babies become men?