Rumble rumble rumble...

I like to think myself as an independent person. I do my own stuff, my own way and anything that i want, in my own ability. I do not ask anyone for help (unless really really necessary >.<), partly because i feel that they'll be going through the extra trouble for me. And me, being a normal person, is not worth going through the trouble for.

Perhaps this is why i feel really irked if someone asks me for my help, purely for their own convenience.

"Can you drive me to the grocery store? I need to buy something." "Can you help me bring in my laundry when you get home?"

Come on. You can do this on your own. Why do you need me to help you do this? I get the impression that i'm being taken advantage of. The only times where such feelings don't apply are:
1. The person is a really really good friend (You want to come grocery shopping with me? Sure. You want me to come grocery shopping with you, just coz you can take advantage of my car? Bullshit).
2. The person is in a tight spot and desperately needs my help (You need me to help drive your friend home coz he/she feels unsafe? No problem. You went out for dinner on your own and want me to fetch you home coz you're too friggin' lazy to walk? Get a life).
3. The person can do it on his/her own, but will go through enormous trouble (Fetch you from the train station coz you have huge luggages to carry? Not a problem. Fetch you from the airport? No way!).

Do you like being told what to do or think? I surely don't. I don't like to be told what to do and how to feel. If i feel angry, i dun need someone to tell me that i should feel happy instead. I dun need someone to tell me that we are going out for dinner tonight. What if i dun wanna go out for dinner?

I do what i wanna do, and i dun need some farkin idiot, who doesn't know me, to tell me what i should or should not do! If you had ask, it would have been fine. But if you had simply assume or just said so, you have just pissed me off. Call me selfish. Call me uncouth. Call me hostile. Call me unfriendly. Call me uncooperative. Call me whatever you like. I dun friggin care. Neither do i need the opinion of somebody, who irks me, irritates me, or doesn't know me.

Arrived: Wollongong, Australia

Its good to be back in Oz and driving our red manual car. :)

The LCD went through the whole trip without a hitch, as well as the 'visit' to the customs. Phew! *wipes sweat* now, all i'm waiting for is my casing to arrive on tues (hopefully >.<) and try to recover from my jet lag.

P.S: Had a pair of parents with their baby, sitting near me during the flight. The kid was sitting up and wailing constantly to show his displeasure. The father put the headphones on the baby and i could see the wide-eyed wonder that came over his tiny face. He also began to 'dance' (by bouncing >.<) to the music. Wailing was forgiven almost immediately. :)

Two Days and Counting Down...

Last day at work today. Feeling light-hearted and happy. The secretary passed me a clearance form for me to get 'autographs', so later at 5pm i'm off to obtain the precious signatures of the financial and I.T department secretaries. Feels like i'm back in N.S, clearing my leave in preparation for O.R.D, hunting the elusive officers and specialists to get their approvals on the N.S clearance form. lol...

Today is my book-out day,
Hoo-ray, hoo-ray,
Today is my book-out day,
Hoo-ra, Hoo-ra aye,
No more P.T.I, no more C.S.M,
Today is my book-out day,
Hoo-ra Hoo-ra aye.

Woohoo! Looking forward to end of the day where i'll have dinner with flowerger and the rest of the wollongong gang. :)

P.S: I'm hopping with excitement and rubbing my hands with glee (not literally, of course >.<). Why? The picture below explains why. Antec PlusView II, here i come! :D

Three Days and Counting Down...

Here is a story i wrote when i was young and had english tuition. We were asked to write a story/composition and i can't remember if i made it up or i took the idea from somewhere. In any case, i've decided to put it here coz i told it to my oliphant and she said it would made a good children's book. The tuition teacher said almost the exact same thing (yarh yarh, i caught the 'shameless' disease from the 'ever-so-pretty' flowerger >.<). In some way, its also dedicated to my oliphant, for this upcoming Valentine's Day. *grins* So here it goes (oh yarh, pls note that any names here that are related to real characters are purely concidental and i've slightly improved the story >.<):

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The Story Of Why Elephant's (or Oliphant's >.<) Trunk Is So Long And Why Rabbit's (or Wabbit's >.<) Tail Is So Short.

One day, winnie-the-pooh was stolling along the forest one day, looking for honey. He thought to himself: hhmm... My birthday is coming soon, so i shall hold a birthday party. I can get heaps of presents and honey. Yippee!

And so, he sent out his invitations the next day. He invited owl, tigger, oliphant, wabbit, kangaroo, fox and lots of other animals. He even invited Christopher, who was a boy and a good friend. Now, in those days, oliphant's trunk was rather short and wabbit's tail was rather long. They both liked it anyway and had no complaints. Everyone was excited and discussed what sort of presents to get for him. They also helped winnie-the-pooh organised the party, such as the party decorations and his birthday cake.

Now, fox was thinking to himself: hhmm... i don't have much money left. So what should i get for winnie-the-pooh's present? I know! I shall get a shirt for him, seeing he's so stark naked now.

And so, he went shopping for a nice shirt for winnie-the-pooh. He saw a nice red shirt that was going for pretty cheap (made in China >.<) and within his budget. He happily bought the shirt, even wrapped it nicely in a box and prepared for the upcoming party. The day soon arrived and everyone was having fun. All the animals played games and laughter filled the forest. The birthday song was sang and the birthday cake was ate. Next came the opening of presents. Winnie-the-pooh opened them and like all of the presents. Then, he opened fox's present.

"Wow! what a nice shirt!" winnie-the-pooh said. He liked the red shirt so much, that he put it on straight away. "Hey! It fits nice and snug! Thank you so much, fox!" Fox blush, "Not a problem, winnie-the-pooh. I thought you might like it."

Suddenly, it rained. "Oh crap! Everyone, run for shelter!" Christopher hollered. So, with much confusion, all the animals ran for shelters to try and avoid the rain. Winnie-the-pooh tried to find some shelter too, but after all that birthday-cake eating, he was rather slow. The poor bear ran around, trying to find some shelter that could keep him dry. Sadly, he was a little too slow and got drenched in the process.

Soon, the sun came out and all the animals wandered out of their shelters. "Oh no! Look at winnie-the-pooh!" Winnie-the-pooh was wearing his new red shirt when he got drenched and the shirt had shrunk (being made in China and all >.<)! "Oh dear! I'm so sorry, winnie-the-pooh!" Fox apologised profusely and tried to get it off, but to no avail. The bigger animals like oliphant tried to pull it off too, but no one could do it. Fox felt responsible for this mishap and thought really hard for a solution to overcome this problem.

"I know! Lets form a chain to combine our strengths and pull the shirt off him!" Fox said. "Sounds like a great idea!" Owl agreed (being wise and all that >.<). All the animals then formed a chain to pull the shirt off winnie-the-pooh. "Where shall i go then?" Oliphant asked. "Why don't you stand at the back? You are strong and big, just what we need for an anchor-man at the back." Owl said. Oliphant then stomped happily to the back and wrap her trunk around the animal in front (since she stomped on all four legs >.<).

"Everyone ready? On the count of three... One... Two... Three! Pull!" Fox shouted and all the animals pulled. Fox was holding winnie-the-pooh, so he wouldn't get pulled away, while shouting encouragements to the other animals. "Come on, guys! Just a little more! Come on, guys! Pull!" As the animals pulled, oliphant pulled with all her might and astonishinly, her trunk began to grow! It grew longer... And longer... And longer!

Whoosh! With the combined might of all the animals, the shrunken red shirt came off suddenly and all the animals landed in a heap. Sadly, during the pulling, one animal had grabbed wabbit's tail to pull and most of his tail came off, leaving only a short furry tail. Oliphant's trunk didn't shrink back to its normal length and became its length today.

And that my friends, is why oliphant's trunk is so long, and why wabbit's tail is so short (and to a lesser extent, why winnie-the-pooh now wears a red shrunken shirt >.<). :D
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Valentine's Day Dedication to my oliphant:
"There is love that, through its willingness to sacrifice everything, brings hope to the world.
There is love that tries to overcome pride and a lust for power, but fails. The world is darker for its failure, but it is only as a cloud dims the sun. The sun - the love, still remains.
Finally, there is love lost in darkness. Love misplaced, misunderstood, because the lover did not know his - or her - own heart."
Dear, your love for me is the sun. You have brought such hope, light and warmth in my previously cold and hard life. Thank you for loving me so much. I know my own heart and because of that, my love for you is bathed in a light that will always remain. I love you. Happy Valentine's Day, my oling oliphant. *muack!*

Six Days and Counting Down...

With last week and this one, i've been and will be meeting up with my friends. As always, the catching up seems to be always left to the last minute due to the sloth and passive stance from all of us (no lah flowerger, i'm not talking abt the wollongong gang but my other friends, so dun get all paranoid >.<). Time seems to pass so swiftly, so much so that i find it quite hard to believe that i'll be flying back to Oz on Sunday. The frantic packing of my stuff into storage before flying home seems like a distant memory and the bright aussie sunrays beckon. It has been a great holiday back home and i've enjoyed all the gatherings and catch-up sessions. Hopefully, we'll be able to continue this when i fly back after my graduation, which depressingly signals the beginning of my era in the workforce and reservist term. >.<

For all the fun and great food that i've had for the last three months, i do admit that i'm looking forward to being in Oz again. Under my parents' sponsorship (yippee! :D), i've bought my PC parts for Big Banana to assemble for me. *grins* Yes yes, i have an ulterior motive (i can so hear the gasps and see the accusing stares from you guys -.-). My oliphant was already sulking when she heard and saw the 19" LCD monitor that i've bought (she wanted it first >.<). Oops. :D However, there is yet another reason (seriously, i'm not lying >.<). Quite a few weeks back, i was re-watching a documentary, in which the speaker was talking in a background of cafes and sunny weather. In that moment, that background reminded me so much of Oz that i had a sudden longing for it. That feeling still remains in my heart.

To feel the bright sunlight and enveloping warmth, to smell the sea breeze that wafts through your hair, to drink in the open spaces and relaxtion of a slow-paced day. To enjoy each day by every second, every minute, every hour, seeping through your fingers like fine sand and yet not lamenting the lack of time, but slowly savouring it like a fine meal, bite by bite, or the running of sweet wine across your tongue. To have such freedom, go where-ever you want, how-ever you want, when-ever you want. To stroll along a beach, with only the starry moon-lit night sky and the sound of waves as your companions, or across a sunny field with the exchanging of small smiles as strangers pass by, feeling the grass and earth beneath your feet, or along a quiet street with trees casting their shadows across a golden walkway, the distant sounds of kids playing and your footsteps as your companions this time.

man, i miss austraila.

Reminiscing and Chewing over past regrets...

Woke up this morning to get back to work. sighz. it was a extremely long weekend, and one that i certainly enjoyed. its just a teeny-tiny-itsy-bitsy depressing to wake up early again to go to work (ok ok, its not a bit, its very >.<). furthermore, my seniors and boss are on leave, so effectively i've got nothing to do for the rest of the day. mind you, i'm not one of those Office-Loafers as written in the newspapers, its just that i genuinely have nothing to do *innocent look* (yes yes, flowerger, you can stop sniggering! >.<).

it was a good chinese new year for me. i met up with my relatives and cousins, and of course gambled away (won $5! yes, its not a lot but at least i won money :p). the wollongong gang came over to my place yesterday and i'm pretty sure we all had a great time. it felt good to see everyone sitting down in my living room, chatting and catching up. the air of togetherness is something i always enjoy and there was an abundance of that yesterday. we got the entire gang to play Shithead as well (to flowerger's obvious delight, i sure >.<) and laughter bubbled out easily. it was really a reminiscence of days back in wollongong and i can't wait to get a flat with my oliphant so that we can resurrect the Friday Gatherings (yes flowerger, then we can play Shithead every week >.<). pardon me, but i'm starting to sound a bit mundane and old with all that recollecting and wishy-washy stuff.

i had to run off with my oliphant to my Student Council's gathering. we were having such a good time that i wished we could have continued and stayed at my place (sounds a bit cliche, but its true >.<). i reached my friend's place late, only to find that i was the second person there. haiz. after so long, the council's habit of late attendence is still prevalent. it was good to see old faces and i think i haven't seen some of them for two years or more. perhaps its becoz of this fact that i started to feel the distance between us. somehow, there is an invisible barrier that prevents me from calling them my close friends. i remember thinking in my JC days that we'll always be good friends, keep in touch and all that stuff/crap/bullshit (choose one, take your pick, they all mean the same >.<), but it seems that this 'prophecy' has failed. am i disappointed? in some way, i guess. you can never have too many friends. but then again, i dun really blame them for that distance that has grown.

first of all, i flew to australia to study and being in another country is hard to keep in touch. secondly, whenever i came back, i joined them occasionally and didn't get all of the gathering invitations. thirdly and perhaps most pressing in my mind, is that my past self wasn't that worthy of a friend. although i didn't know it at that point of time and do know now, i can't name one person that i was close with in the council. as a group, we've been through a lot: planning, working, cheering etc etc. but at the end of our term as a council, i still haven't found someone who i can call a close friend. i guess i was an outcast in some ways due to my immature, childish and lousy attitude and the others avoided me as much as possible. i dun blame them for it as i have only myself to blame. if given the chance, will i go back and change whatever i've done? of course. why shouldn't i? my attitude was poor and i refused to acknowledge the (cold-hard-stark-naked-staring-in-my-face) truth, much less change it in my JC days.

do you guys still have your autograph books from your schooling days? i still have mine and i yanked it out when i finally reached home. as i lay on my bed, i read through the various entries and words start to jump out: loud, violent, attention-seeking. even though there are lines such as 'you are a really great councillor', 'you are a good friend' blah blah blah, i wonder if they really meant it. is it because they feel that they have to write something nice and thus write such lines? if so, i'm not surprised and neither do i blame them for it. i would have prob done the same. when i told my oliphant abt my chewing over past regrets, she replied that as long as i dun carry them too much. with constant meeting-ups and gatherings, memories are revived and the past dreg up. regrets then start to surface again and i chew on them again. the vicious cycle continues.

its almost like i'm behaving like a child/puppy, always desperately seeking approval from my friends. not in the parental sense of approval, but approval in the sense of being popular and well-liked. i really want to get to know my council friends better and hang out with them. but somehow i get the feeling that i'm still being viewed as my past self, who has imposed a horrendous mile-wide gap between us. sure, i have other friends but the same statement comes in again: you can never have too many friends. i want to make up for my past deeds and i really want to show that i'm not the same as before but i'm not sure if i'll ever get a chance to do so. or maybe i haven't really changed and my past self simmers at the surface. i wonder how the rest of my friends view me now. on and on, the downward spiral of depression turns and throws up the dirt of regrets and memories.

if you have read till this far, i applaud for your steadfastness in reading this happy-turned-depressive post *standing ovation amid whistles and calls of "steady lah!" and "power man!"*. i have my oliphant and i'm happy as i can be. i have someone who loves me and i love her in return. sure, there are things that i hope will change for the better. but then again, who doesn't have any? in the meantime, i'll enjoy as much as i can in this life and live my life with my oliphant. regrets can be underrated or over-rated, but they can be useful and make one a better person sometimes.