"Body to Brain, Body to Brain. Do you read me? I repeat, do you read me?"

With my new PC ( and 19" LCD screen >.<) and the internet up, i'm all settled into my new home for the next six months. I very the happy. :D Only thing is that my brain seems to have turned to mush (just like my body, due to the lack of exercise >.<) during the summer holidays. I have to find some way to 'jump-start' my stagnant brain cells. Hhhmmm...

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Procedure For The Jump-Starting Of Brain Cells
Note: This process is not for the faint-hearted and is severly gross in nature. You have been warned. The author is not responsible for any deaths, damages nor accidents incurred during this process. :p

Aim:
To jump-start a person's brain, using any means necessary.

Equipment needed:
1. A very sharp knife
2. A battery pack with jumper cables
3. Lots of rags to clean up any mess/blood during the procedure.

Procedure:
1. Open the victim's head with the very sharp knife to gain access to the brain. As long as the jumper-starter is able to gain access, the method and direction of slicing is up to the him/her. Use the rags to mop up any mess if necessary.
2. Once access is gained, proceed to clamp the jumper cables from the battery pack onto the victim's brain. Ensure that the positive and negative clamps are opposite to each other.
3. Proceed to slap the victim around to 'jump-start' the brain. This would also lead to a slack-jaw expression of the victim, thus allowing additional intake of oxygen to the brain. Should the slack-jaw expression be unattainable, additional force is authorised until the said expression is achieved.
4. By now, the victim's brain should have been jump-started. To further confirm that the aim has been achieved, use an automobile to drag the victim for 5 hours. If the victim manages to escape during the dragging, he has passes the confirmation test. All other reactions by the victim means that he/her has failed the confirmation test. Should that happen, repeat Steps 2 to 4, until the victim has passed the confirmation test.
5. Congratulations! The victim's brain has been jump-started.
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P.S: Yes yes, i know i know. Mi very the gross. And no, i will not use this procedure on myself. I very the peaceful kind of person, so will not participate in such violent acts. lol... :D