Ground-breaking news just in...

Dear comrades,

I risk my life in revealing this profound secret to you all. A secret so tightly kept and highly guarded, that i only knew of it today when it took place two months ago.

A secret with an impact so huge and deadly, it could change the world. It was so important that we, the common people, have been kept in the dark.

The secret is this:

our dear Caffeine Addict and our slack Big Banana are engaged.

I regret to inform that although i have seen the promised ring of engagement, i was not able to take a photo of it. However, i assure you all of this, the diamond on it looks very real.

As a result of my knowledge of this profound secret, my life is now in danger. I have been accused by our dear Caffeine Addict, of two fatal charges:

1. Of me being unobservant, and thereby not noticing the ring earlier and therefore, not detecting of the secret earlier.
2. Of bringing flu from Singapore and thereby making her sick.

With these charges, i must now flee for my life. I beg of you all, my comrades, to spread the news far and wide. Although my death is eventual and inevitable, please do not let me die in vain.

Let the world know of this secret! Spread the word!