I’ve got an idea for a sit-com called “Father Knows Zilch”.

Her: I have a small bump on my wrist here. Don't know what is it. See? *shows me*

Me: *declares* Baby mosquito bite

Her: *stares at me*

Me: Maybe the mother was teaching it how to bite mah. "This is where you put the needle in..."

Her: *joining my train of thought* It should be "This is where you bite..."

Me: *agrees* "This is where you bite. First you put the needle in. Then you suck the blood out. Slurp! Then you pull the needle out and fly away."

Her: Then you leh?

Me: Me? They already bite me. See? *shows her the mosquito bites from my ICT* They probably told their fellow mosquitos: Eh! Got buffet! Come, come!

Her: You guys are humans mah. They very long never suck blood already mah, so they all come and bite you.

Me: Eh. Mosquitoes also bite animals lor.

Her: *thinking fast* But human blood sweeter!

Me: *retort* And how would you know?

Her: *tries to convince me* We eat all the food mah. Got more preservatives and sugar, so our blood sweeter.

Me: Ok. But if that's the case, then they should be having organic blood.

Her: Huh? O.o

Me: Because animals eat plants and other animals mah. No preservatives and other chemicals, so that makes their blood organic.

Her: Eee... But like that their blood not sweet.

Me: But they have to! Must be organic. Must save the earth.

Her: Huh?! O.O

Me: Mosquitoes must also save the earth mah. If everyone dies, then there won't be any people for them to suck blood mah.

Her: *stares at me*

Me: So therefore, in order for them to continue sucking blood from animals and humans, they must also save the earth and be organic.

Sometimes, even i confuse myself. :p

He just does that to show he COULD’VE snuffed me.

I was part of the Recce team, Long Range Support. My buddy was the sniper and i was the one who call for fire support.

My buddy can hit from 800 meters, head shot, moving target. He's very good lah. I always call for the fire support, sure will hit the target one. Once i point the laser, the planes will fly in and fire the missiles. Sure on target one.

Range only 400 meters. So when we go range, the target suddenly becomes very big. We used to have 56 bullets. So, 56 / 56 lah.

We can run and hide for two days continuously from the enemy. We always run and hide. Sometimes we will run, hide and even flank the enemy. The commandos will chase after us, so we keep running. We can even slowly pick off the commandos, until there's only half a team left.

We also like to find and "kill" the enemy. You better don't smoke. If you smoke, i can find you. If you fart and i am downwind, i can find you. If you cook, i also can find you. If you shit, i also can find you.

Our intake will have 30 people. Then we will slowly filter off, until there's less than 10 remaining.

Although we run so much, we take it as fun lah. Finding and "killing" the enemy is fun.

I suppose the end message is this:
Take everything as it comes. Embrace it and look for the positives. Once you do that, you won't find it a chore anymore.

I think football is a sport the way ducks think hunting is a sport.

*exasperated voice* Three-Six to Eight-Three-Bravo, Three-Six to Eight-Three-Bravo. Can you confirm your location?

*unsure voice* Eight-Three-Bravo. I think we are at Echo Zero Seven.

(One hour later...)

*tired voice* Three-Six to Eight-Three-Bravo, Three-Six to Eight-Three-Bravo. Can you confirm your location?

*frustrated voice* Eight-Three-Bravo. Negative, negative. We cannot confirm our location.

*confused* Three-Six to Eight-Three-Bravo. Can you confirm your location?

*repeats* Eight-Three-Bravo. Negative, negative. We cannot confirm our location.

Although we did eventually managed to find our way after two hours, I hate getting lost.