The First Post of Twenty-Oh-Six

My first post of 2006. my feelings currently? melancholy. deep, slow sadness, weary and languorous. i can't explain why.

perhaps (and most probably >.<) its becoz i stayed up till 12am (or was it 11.30pm? can't remember), reading 'American Gods' and being the 'day-bird' that i am, i didn't get my normal intake of sleep. its quite a good book, although it somehow takes up alot of my brain juice to keep up with the story.

or perhaps its becoz on the way to work, i saw the multitude of kids/teenagers on the way to their first day of school. i thought back to my secondary school days and i thought of the ease and comfort i felt at that period of my life. did i really feel that way? i can't be sure. have i ever felt out of place before? i dunnoe.

or maybe its becoz i had the strangest dream (last night? or was it the night before? i can't remember -.-). i dreamt of someone dressed in a white and brown robe, and with a gentle command, "soft", cause a ring (with diagonal lines along its band and with an open end) to rise and catch it with his (or her? can't remember) palm facing down. in that same dream, i dreamt of another monk-like person, sitting and meditating on a concrete perch, and below was a square pool of water. i remember the former someone (who commanded the ring to rise and catch it with a palm facing down) telling me that the latter someone (who is meditating on the perch) is training. as i approach, i see an image/illusion being cast onto the square pool below. an image not unlike the art of an austrailan aboriginal, with black and different shades of brown, coupled with thick outlines of white. and somehow, in that dream, i understood why he was training when the former someone said,"now you know why he trains".

or perchance its becoz i found out that i can't go to caffeine addict's house gathering on wed, becoz its my father's birthday and i have to go for a family dinner to celebrate. its disappointing, to say the least. i was looking forward to seeing her, my oliphant and the rest of the wollongong gang.

sigh... such tumultuous and conflicting mix of emotions. 2006. what a way to start the new year. then again, i never believe that the start of a new year would symbolise and represent what the new year would become. neither do i believe in new year resolutions for i live my life as it is, take events as they come, and make my decisions when needed. i'm not making sense, am i?