Permission To Enter The Working World Has Been Granted...

Yesterday at William Ng Consulting Engineers...

Boss: Hhhmm... You are a fresh graduate, so i don't really have much to ask you about. The most important thing is your attitude and that you are willing to learn.

Me: Erm... Yes.

Boss: Anyway, i don't want to look at too many people. If its ok with you, i'll start you off at $2300 and you can come in on monday. Thats the fourth, isn't it? Hhhmm... *looks at his calender and the job application form*

Me: *flabbergasted 0.o* Erm...

Boss: *looks up* No? Monday is not the fourth?

Me: *still flabbergasted* Erm... no no. Monday IS the fourth.

Boss: Why? You want more time to rest? Or you want to start one week later?

Me: *trying to recover* No no. Thats ok. I'm willing to start on Monday.


Today at the bank, settling my affairs...

Me: I wish to close this account and open a brand new account.

Bank Girl: Ok. No problem. *turns to computer to fill in the details* what is your occupation?

Me: Erm... *struggling against instinct to say 'student' or 'unemployed' >.<* Engineer

Bank Girl: *smiles* What company?

Me: Erm... *struggling to remember the proper name of company* 'William Ng Consultants', i think (?). Something like that...

Bank Girl: *chuckling softly* Ok. I'll just put 'William Ng Consultants' lah, k?

Me: Ok. *mutters* Just got the job yesterday *as if that sentence will explain my confusion >.<*

Bank Girl: *settles paperwork and trying to make small talk* so you started work already?

Me: *wry smile* No. Starting on monday.


That was my induction into the working world, i guess. *sighs* >.<

Reality bites...

To all:

Thank you for all your concern and wishes. I'm coping as well as could be expected, i guess. I still miss her terribly at times and at the back of my head, i had some delusions that we could somehow get back together again.

I simply could not forget someone whom i spent almost four years of my life with. I simply could not get over the fact that she is not with me anymore, after almost four years of love, soothing, encouragement and support. I simply could not let my memories of us fade.

In short, my status was 'love-sick child'.

“Your memory of your wife – it isn’t just your memory of her you are preserving, it is your memory of yourself. Yourself when you were happy. You can’t make love to another woman, or let another woman look like her.”
- "The Source of Magic" by Piers Anthony

But now, i have been given a short, sharp and piercing dose of reality.

She is not coming back to me.

Full stop.

Period.

I need to let it go. I need to get over it. I need to stop living in the past. I need to stop whinging and behave sensibly.

"It may be a bit late for such a revelation, but yes, it is true. It is time to relate to the present, without renouncing the past."
- "Night Mare" by Piers Anthony

I know the old adage "time will heal", since i have repeated the same advice to others before. I have no doubt it will, but for now it still hurts a little. There is still a small amount of grief, sadness, depression and disappointment in me.

I'll manage somehow. I'll live.

"There was a time I would have given all i had to hear those words from you, Pacis"
- "Camelot's Shadow" by Sarah Zettel

Broken-Hearted...

As it turns out, it was just the eye of the storm.

No matter how much i've tried and say, you will still leave me. I can try all i want to get us back together, but if your heart is not in it, then my efforts will be in vain. You have no idea how much pain and grief you have caused me.

"The tighter you hold onto me, the more i'll slip away."

And if i dun hold onto you at all, you will slip away forever, isn't it?

"I'm sorry"

I dun want your sorries and apologies. I just want you back. But no matter what i say or do, that's not going to happen, is it?

I guess this is it.

I will treasure our three years of love. I loved you and still do. If you need me, just give me a call and i'll try my best to be there. Good-bye... :(

For now...

For a brief respite, the storm of emotions relented. Is this calm the eye of the storm? or does it mean that the storm has passed? Only time will tell.

For now, i am determined not to give up and show that we can do it.

Why?

I loved you, and still do. Everything i did, i did it for you. I showered you with all the love i had. I love you.

Why did you have to do this?

We had so much good times together. All your love letters. All your presents. All our promises of love and whispers of sweet-nothings. We had it all and now you're throwing it all away.

Why?

Now, all i wish for is for you to come back to me. I wish you would run back into my arms and tell me that you've made a mistake and that we still could be together. I wish i had never left for australia, so this wouldn't have happened. I wish time could have stood still at that moment, so that i would never hear the dreaded words.

We were supposed to make it work. We agreed to make it work. We wanted time to get to know each other again. But now...

Why can't you give us another chance?

Why?

Despite all that i've done and all that i wish for right now, i know you have made your decision. I still feverently hope, but i know you are still gonna leave. I told you before: all i want is for you to be happy. If this is really what you want, then i respect your wishes despite my shattered, torn, tattered and bleeding heart.

I wish you all the best in your path of life. I hope you find someone better. I will do my best, as a friend, to support you.

Please... Can someone wake me up from this bad dream? Please... Tell me this is not happening. Why? Why did it have to happen?

Someone? Anyone?