It’s always shocking to see one’s existence reduced to a blurb.

There are times when i simply wish i could re-program my life, or my emotions, or my brain.

As i sat there last night, a bout of depression hit me with the force of a thousand battering rams. I simply can't explain how and why did it hit me. I felt heavy-hearted, stoned and listless. The company of my good friends, playing mahjong and our usual jests, teases and chattering couldn't raise me from my stupor.

If i was in a Harry Potter novel, i would have said that a Dementor had found me and was sucking all my happiness and energy away.

Mentally, i shook myself to try and rid of the depression and listlessness. But it wouldn't go away. It clung onto me, like a lice on a stray dog.

And you know what?

Its bloody frustrating.

Its frustrating to know that your emotions that is not within your control and illogical in nature. Its frustrating to know that your feelings are controlling your mood and you can't do a single thing about it. Its frustrating to know that whatever you do, you can't change how you feel.

I tried to sleep it off, thinking my body was tired and needed the rest.

I tried doing menial work to take my mind off things. I cleared my last box of junk that had remain untouched since i came back from studying in Australia. I put up my new magazine rack which i bought from Muji.

I tried eating my lunch, thinking that maybe i needed food to cheer myself up.

I tried playing games on Facebook to get my brain distracted.

And you know what?

All that didn't work. The feeling of heavy-hearted and listless remains.

What is wrong with me?!

Happy New Year, everyone.