Pre-Examination Blues and Jitters

woke up today at 12ish pm to find everyone i know, uncontactable or unresponsive. panicked and thought that everyone has gone for the examination without me via some time warp dimensional thingymajig, despite my laptop, watch and handphone telling me that its sunday and not monday. my friend just reassured me that it IS sunday. darn it, my nerves are stretched wire-thin and i'm seriously on the edge.

i dun need luck now, i need a miracle. (-.-)

panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous

i'm sure you get the picture. (-.-)

Current Song on my mind

"We Belong Together" - Mariah Carey

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I couldn't have fathomed that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

'Cause I didn't know you
'Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't
Hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, 'cause baby

[Chorus:]
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please, 'cause
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me
'If you think you're lonely now'
Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby

[Chorus]
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please, 'cause
We belong together
Who am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

note: this song is by no means a reflection of anyone or me. it is as my title puts it, the current song that i like. :)

Summer Days

its almost summer and its bloody
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Musings

(-.-) Things on my mind now:

1. I'm ssoo full from my dinner! my friends and i must have had our stomachs expanded by two times or more.
   
2. Nnoo!!! why must the episode 20 of initial d anime be such a cliff-hanger??!! the long wait for the releasing of episodes 21 and 22 in december is gonna be painful.
   
3. Exams exams exams... revision revision revision...
   
4. Wondering how my sweetheart is doing right now. hope she's having a great time in hong kong with her family.
5. Hoping that my two friends, who are a couple, patch up soon. hate to see a break in relationship, especially among my friends. one of reasons is that i dunnoe what to say and how to console them.
   
6. Thinking what kinda job i'll get or apply for when i get back to singapore. its gonna be full of shits if i get back home and some aussie company tells me i got the vacation job and that i start next week.
   
7. In relation to the thought above, what kind of computer i'll buy if the job i get pays well. lol...
8. The TV program 'brainac' is a guy's show: brainless destruction with no real scientific experiementation (at least like 'mythbusters') and models to oggle at.
   
9. Someone stole my dinner spoon. i can't find it.
   
10. One of my friends has two of his roomies engaging in a cold war and is torn between both sides. he's apprehensive about adopting my suggestion, which is to become a 'two-headed snake': befriend both sides. my reason for that is becoz if he chooses one side, the other will become isolated and the hostility will explode.
    

Shocker

just heard from justin on some surprising news. remember i was saying that i got 73% for a assignment that was worth 65% in weightage (refer to post: CrunchTime)? well, we have a few friends that failed it. the only other weightage is the final exam, worth 35%. unless they can obtain almost full marks for it, i'm not too sure if they'll pass.

two of our friends are retaking this subject as they had failed it the previous year. one's a malaysian and the other a hongkie. i'd thought that they would have drawn on the experience from the time they failed it, but apparently not. from what justin tells me, they were given 40% for their assignment. worst of all, they are due to graduate end of this year. they're gonna talk to our tutor when he gets back from a trip, but its kinda hard to foresee that he will let both of them pass.

we have another friend who enrolled late. as a result, he didn't have a partner and had to do it alone. one of the assignment's criteria is to produce a 3D model, using engineering software. he told me that he copied the model off another person and used it as his own, though i can understand why. the workload's really huge and if you undertake by youself, you must have a great deal of experience or if not, are a genius or a lunatic. >.< anyway, this friend got zero for his drawings. our tutor prob knew that he plagrised and awarded him this mark.

justin told me that he has decided not to ask our tutor for more marks, after hearing that those friends of ours had failed. guess we got pretty good marks compared to them. i wonder what will happen to them in the end. stay tune for the latest updates. lol...

Dr Wilbur Wonker

i've recently d/l and watched 'charlie and the chocolate factory', which was of a pretty good quality. my opinion? hhmm...

well, for one, i've read the book ages ago (think it was in primary sch >.<) so i can't remember the exact details. this is as opposed to the harry potter book and movie, which i found extremely disappointing coz i felt it didn't cover some of the impt points in the book. but as far as i could tell and remember, the opening part of the 'charlie and the chocolate factory' movie and various sections were exactly the same as the book. i THINK that the movie took it one step further and develop the lonely life of Willy Wonker and how he reconcile with his father. i thought that step was pretty interesting and brought out the life of Willy Wonker, which was not done in the book (btw, if i'm wrong abt the book, ple correct mi >.<).

somehow, the fact that johnny depp played Willy Wonker brought a certain sinister twist to the movie. Secret Window is a prime example. somehow Willy Wonker seemed really warped and sinister, but it also seemed right as i dun think anyone could have pulled it off. other bits such as the same face for all of the Oompa Loompas added to the certain revulsion of the movie. i thought the CG was pretty obvious, but having the EXACT same faces was to me, just wrong. plus when the Oompa Loompas sang a song after each child 'bit the dust', it looked really weird. i think those scenes bothered mi more than anything else. in the end, i rated it as an average movie only.

having said that, the movie sorta portrayed Willy Wonker as a lonely weirdo. the various flashbacks show him wearing a strange contraption on his head, which i can only assume is the old version of the modern day braces. it does certainly look painful. >.< and having such a strict dentist father who bans him from eating candy, he went completly the other way round to making candy. i suppose its like a gesture of defiance.

how many of us have experience this sort of thing? having a strict parenthood and defying them when you grow up? how many of us resented the fact that our parents govern our early lives, thinking that they are doing so becoz they love us? pretty much all of us, i think. how many of us will become exactly like what we swore we'll never be when we become parents? only time will tell. is it actually love when a parent prevents a child from doing something becoz they think its harmful? is it considered love when Willy Wonker's father prevented him from eating candy coz he felt that they were bad for his teeth?

in that aspect, i'm grateful to parents. although they govern my life as a child, their restrictions wasn't as bad as Willy Wonker's father and they gave mi almost complete freedom when i entered NS. i think that point signifies that the child has grown up. however, i would definitely give my children more support and encouragement than my parents gave mi. its very depressing when you are eager to show your parents your hard work, or want their support and they dun acknowledge or give it. ulitmately, i suppose we decide on what is the best parental teaching and our children would reflect that. our children would be the report cards on our parental role.

Nice kitty kitty...

i spy with my little eye...

Crunch Time

Finally i got all my assignments done today, the last day of the session. worked till 4am in the morning, went to sleep and woke up at 8.30am to continue. finally got it all out and handed all 4 of them in. i had to use the big stapler down in at the uni and i prick my finger accidentally, leaving abit of blood on the cover sheet of one of the assignments. wonder what my tutor/lecturer will think when he sees that smear of blood. lol... >.<

got another one of my group assignments back. this was a huge one, worth 65% in weightage. as usual, i paired with justin for that project. he sorta 'carried' me in this one, meaning that he did all of the important parts and i did the unimportant ones. >.< we got abt 48 out of 65, which gives us abt 73%. since i didn't do so much, i thought it was a fair result, but justin reckons we should get higher and wants to see if the marker had missed anything. ah well, if we get more, all the better. lol...

its crunch time now. i'm not too sure if i'll do well this time. its the final year and i need to maintain my grades of >73% in order to get my second-upper. sounds like a tall order for me, seeing that i have 3 exams in a short space of 2 days: two papers on monday and one on tuesday morning. i'm gonna be so tired on tuesday that i reckon i'll be delirious, babbling incoherently and lie on the ground, twitching with spasms and seizures. (-.-)

whing whing whing. i'm just venting my thoughts, moods and fustration before the exams. lol...

Lifted Spirits

Woohoo!!! i got 19.5 out of 20 for one of my assignments!!! my lecturer even commended me and my partner on it, saying that it was very good!

that result takes the cake! the weariness by the assignment-rushings recently was banished by the marks i got. it was a group assignment which i did with one of me friends (justin) and we spent quite abit of time and effort into it. it was due on a friday, which coincided with a morning site visit. i spent the entire thursday night and friday morning putting everything together and went to sleep at about 4ish, not setting the alarm clock as i thought i could wake up in time for the site visit at 8am. in the end, i overslept and was woken up by justin's frantic call. we had to take a bus down to sydney to see a solar cell manufacturing plant, which i obviously could not make it on time. one of me friends offered to give me a lift as they were driving down and i managed to make it for the site visit in the end.

but hey, the assignment results definitely made the late-waking-up-for-the-site-visit worth it!!! Woohoo!!!

Religious yearnings

has anyone heard/seen the movie 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose'? its about a woman being possessed by demons and died in the end. the priests sent to exorcise the demons were charged in court and a lawyer was hired to take on the case. does the storyline sound familar? thats becoz its based on the a true story which the movie 'The Exorcist' uses as well.

i saw heaps of pple putting up the video-camera-ed of the movie up and its recently advertised on tv over here. i was kinda curious to find out what the movie was about and went onto IMDB to check it out.

it seemed to have a mixture of reviews: both good and bad. what was interesting though, was that someone posted a website address (http://www.moviesonline.ca/movienews_1253.html - if this doesn't bring you to the proper page, search for 'the exorcism of emily rose' and click on the true story link) on a forum that told the true story. the movie 'The Exorcist' was prob, in my opinion, the scariest movie i've ever watched. it still sends shivers down my spine when i recall bits of the movie (which i try not to... >.<). but after reading the true story, it all came flashing back. the true story was really interesting, but chilling. i think i find that having your body being possessed by demons, much less the Devil, is pretty shocking and scary. the fact that i'm a christian further increases my abhorrence. to see such strong evil powers is truly disgusting, loathing and horrifying. i can't seem to express my repugence any further beocz its beyond words for me. in contrast, the movie 'Stigmata' however was a pretty good movie, in my opinion. i had always felt that the worship of God should not be limited by churches and buildings, and that we should worship and talk to Him anywhere we want, be it under a rock or a tree. here is quote which comes from the movie, taken off IMDB: Jesus said...the Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood...and I am there, lift a stone...and you will find me.

Religion is touchy topic. but i believe that if we respect one another's belief, we can avoid any dissent. interestingly, i went on a trip to with a few friends of mine and one of them was a muslim. it was he who 'taught' me the way to respect each other's belief. simply put, i dun challenge your belief and you dun challenge mine, i respect your beliefs and you respect mine. i've always keep this in mind and will continue to do so.

Worry worry worry...

my mind is absolutely full these days. the supposed taking of 5 subs should have increased my workload, but somehow i can't feel any difference. perhaps its i've already gotten numb after all that work. the cursed subject MECH311 is not helping either with its huge weightage of 65% for a major assignment and 35% for the final exam.

i'll prob use this blog to whing and complain. share the good news? perhaps. i dunnoe. i worry about my sweetheart. i worry about the final exams. i worry about the last few assignments. i worry about everything. worry wart, i can hear you guys calling me. lol...

but i think i'll feel better if i know that my dear is cheering up. she and her smile are the most important things to me. without her, i'm nothing. i'm able to get where i am with her encouragement and support. each time she's depressed, its like a knife through my heart and i cry for her sake. and each time i want to rush to her side, where-ever she is, to hug and comfort her.

with the upcoming exams, and her work, we haven't been talking to each other at all. our anniversary is coming up as well. somehow, i feel lessened by this. are we becoming the couple that has been consumed by our work? are we growing more distant from each other? with all my heart, i hope not. but the demons of doubt prey endlessly on my mind: are we...? what if...? should i...? so many questions, so little answers.

i'm really really worried about her. i can't help but do so. she is my second self, the wife of my heart. she did ask me recently: why do i insist on being punctual for giving presents on the right days? and my friends ask me too: why do i love giving her presents?

the answers to both questions are the same: i don't want to become someone who has lost the habit of giving presents and being punctual on the dates. i've never had someone loved me before and i've always wonder whats it like to love and be loved. i've always thought of the things i would do if i had a loved one. and now that i have my sweetheart, i'm determined to make all these come true, savour each day i'm with her and care for her.

Her smile is the most important thing to me. Without her, i'm nothing.

fellowship of the blog community

time to join the blog community. seems hard to accept the fact that i've gotten sucked in. but nevertheless, i guess i have my own reasons for doing so. my sweetheart has gotten depressed and she has gotten a new blog, on which i can't leave my comments as an outsider. i guess thats my main reason. even as i type this now in the uni, i'm beset by doubts and worry about how she is doing. i have been entertaining the thought of having a blog for sometime, but haven't really gotten around to doing it. i guess this is perfect timing. >.<>

like my blog title and address: musings in a everyday life and enigmatical life. life's mysteries and thoughts... what better way to describe my entries? lol... sounds like i'm advertising for my blog. >.<