It’s always shocking to see one’s existence reduced to a blurb.

There are times when i simply wish i could re-program my life, or my emotions, or my brain.

As i sat there last night, a bout of depression hit me with the force of a thousand battering rams. I simply can't explain how and why did it hit me. I felt heavy-hearted, stoned and listless. The company of my good friends, playing mahjong and our usual jests, teases and chattering couldn't raise me from my stupor.

If i was in a Harry Potter novel, i would have said that a Dementor had found me and was sucking all my happiness and energy away.

Mentally, i shook myself to try and rid of the depression and listlessness. But it wouldn't go away. It clung onto me, like a lice on a stray dog.

And you know what?

Its bloody frustrating.

Its frustrating to know that your emotions that is not within your control and illogical in nature. Its frustrating to know that your feelings are controlling your mood and you can't do a single thing about it. Its frustrating to know that whatever you do, you can't change how you feel.

I tried to sleep it off, thinking my body was tired and needed the rest.

I tried doing menial work to take my mind off things. I cleared my last box of junk that had remain untouched since i came back from studying in Australia. I put up my new magazine rack which i bought from Muji.

I tried eating my lunch, thinking that maybe i needed food to cheer myself up.

I tried playing games on Facebook to get my brain distracted.

And you know what?

All that didn't work. The feeling of heavy-hearted and listless remains.

What is wrong with me?!

Happy New Year, everyone.

Be careful, or be roadkill!

Today, while i was waiting at a major junction at Bishan, i felt a cold, hard stare focusing at me.

I looked across.

Its white body was sitting low and menacing on the road. Its body shape tensed, like a puma ready to pounce. Its hostile stare continued to bore through my entire being, challenging every car on the road.

It was a white Audi R8, the latest super-car from the German manufacturer.

"Driving most super-cars is like trying to man-handle a cow up the backstage. This... is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly."
"I'm um... I'm completely sold. As far as i'm concerned, this car is almost without fault. It is absolutely stunning."
- Jeremy Clarkson in "Top Gear" Season 10 Episode 2

Later at a minor junction in Ang Mo Kio, i waited for the green light. When it came, i heard the smooth loud purr on my right. There was no mistaking the audio pleasure.

A shining and gleaming prancing horse adorned its back, pronouncing its breeding proudly. With a smooth flowing body and heritage glowing through the chasis and metalwork, it was a beauty.

It was a light blue Ferrari. As i didn't see the front, my guess is that it was a F430.

"So the handling is like the engine: brilliant. And so are the brakes, and so is the steering, and so is comfort, and so is the quality."
"Even the driving position is perfect. In fact, i'm struggling to think of anything wrong with this thing."
- Jeremy Clarkson in "Top Gear" Season 6 Episode 8

I want both cars for my Christmas present. :D

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Update:
24/12/07
As i looked across the street, something catches my eye. From the front, it looked like an ordinary Lamborghini Murcielago.

Until i admired its back.

A single great big exhaust stared right back at me. Its engine glass cover displayed the full glory of its sleeping giant. The giant oil cooling aperture on its left winked at me, as i gaped in wonder.

It was an orange Lamborghini Murcielago LP640.

"You get 500 carbon dioxides and 640 brake horsepower. Thats more than you get from a Porsche Carrera GT or a McClaren Mercedes SLR! Its more than you get from a Zonda!"
"The result is spectacular. This is not a light car, but my god its fast. Properly. Savagely fast."
- Jeremy Clarkson in "Top Gear" Season 9 Episode 5

And what better way to celebrate a religious holiday than with a month of frenzied consumerism?

Have you ever wondered how strangely our minds work? There seems to be a small part of us that defies logic, that defies all reasonings and theories, that goes against all common sense.

Even if we know that something is bad for us, we still continue doing it. Even if we know and reason to ourselves that its wrong, our minds still involuntary stray to the left path and not the right one.

No, its not curiosity nor the lack of discipline. Neither is it the peer pressure nor the circumstances which we are in.

For example.

We know that smoking is bad for us and for our health. But yet, we still continue to smoke.

We know that some of our friends don't like us to say certain things or do certain things. But yet, we still continue in saying it or doing it.

We know that by doing certain things, we will get into trouble. But yet, we still continue to do them.

We know that this festive season is also the period where people tend to get depressed and lonely. But yet, we still continue to feel melancholy and alone.

We know that a failed relationship was not our fault, nor due to us. But yet, we still continue to wonder if we could have done something so that it wouldn't have failed.

Our minds are truly strange. No matter how convinced we are in something, we still tend to do/think otherwise.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

How many boards would the Mongols hoard, if the Mongol hordes got bored?

Right. I knew i would get something like that. Why can't i have something nice/fierce/noble like a lion or tiger? But oh no. I got a monkey instead. Anyone wanna share some peanuts?

The world is probably funnier to people who don’t live here.

Great. I just remembered that i need to do some testing at a school. I'm supposed to be there at 6pm, i'm meeting my friends at 7pm and the time now is 6.30pm. Guess i better catch a cab there and see i can do the testing quickly.

Taxi Fare from Office to the School = $15.00
My reaction when i found out that the school was closed and that i couldn't do the testing = Priceless

Fine. Since i'm nearby, i might as well go home and see if i can use the car and drive to Vivocity.

Taxi Fare from the School to Home = $8.00
My reaction when i found out that no one was home and the car not present = Priceless

Fine. Since i'm in a cab anyway, i guess i'll go straight to Vivocity. Hopefully i still can catch my friends for dinner.

Taxi Fare from Home to Vivocity = $13.00
My reaction when i found out that my friends hadn't even decided on the dinner venue = Priceless

Sighz...

This is going to be a very long week. (-.-)

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Update:
Mela's Day
Taxi fare to Court: $4.00
My reaction when I find out that my only file for today is actually for Friday: Priceless

Who’d have thought disgust would be inflationary?

As of yesterday, in addition to my previous title of

Osama-bin-Ensui,
The-One-Who-Started-The-Fire,
Instigator of all Conspiracy Theories,
Bringer of Aids and Ebola and Worldwide Epidemics and All Other Necessary Bad Things To Effect a Complete and Satisfactory Infamy,

I have been given another title of

Chief-Of-Pia-Sai-But-Doesn't-Have-Any-Subordinates,
aka Chief-of-Carrying-Shit,
Brick-Layer

Apparently, my company of pia-sai is ISO certified, albeit its the environment one not the quality one. So i guess i can carry shit in a way that is less harmful to the earth, but give shitty service.

And because my company of pia-sai is ISO certified, i have a Quality Manual somewhere, which states the necessary methods and procedures. I just have to find it somewhere *rummages around*.

... ...

...

Oh, c'mon. I'm busy as it is, trying to spread all the diseases and Ebola and Aids and conspiracy theories. Now i have to carry shit as well?

And the worse thing is, i don't even have any subordinates!

I mean, this must be the first time in the whole of human history, that there is a title of Chief-of-somethingorother but. Doesn't. Have. Any. Subordinates!

My friends have expressed their utmost confidence in my ability to multi-task and expect me to pass through with flying colors. This is despite the fact that they have:

1. scolded me for not doing my job of pia-sai properly,
   
2. scolded me for not doing my job of pia-sai at the right time,
3. abusing me by over-loading my current workload,
   
4. refusing to give me any due compensation, and
   
5. ignoring me

Where is my union?! I want to comprain! I refuse to work until my working conditions are better!

Sighz...

Life, as me, sure is difficult sometimes. (-.-)