You know that smart-alec in class?

Spring-Butt

That one guy in class that seems to know all the answers, and is jumping out of his/her chair to impress everyone with their knowledge.

Bill is such a spring-butt that he ran to John to let him know the solution.

You learn something everyday. xD

Remedial vegetation.

When in doubt, sleep.

I dunno. It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool.

In view of the coming elections, i promise to vote for the party which lets me shuffle everyday. xD



"Party Rock Anthem"

PART ROCK
YEA
Wooo!!!!
LETS GO!!
Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody just have a good time
And we gonna make you lose your mind
Everybody just have a good time [X2]

We just wanna see yaa!

Shake That !

In the club party rock look up on your girl
She on my jock non stop when we in the spot
Booty move away like she on the block
What the track I gots to know
Top jeans tatto cause I'm rock and roll
Half black half white diamino
Gane the money out the door

Yoooo!!
I'm runnin through these hoes like drano
I got that devilish flow rock and roll no halo
We party rock yea! that's the crew that I'm reppin
On the rise to the top no led in our zeppelin
Hey!!!

Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody just have a good time
And we gonna make you lose your mind
Everybody just have a good time [X2]

We just wanna see yaa!

Everyday I'm shuffelin

Shuffelin shuffelin

Step up fast and be the first girl to make me throw this cash
We get money don't be mad now stop hatein is bad

One more shot for us
Another round
Please fill up my cup
Don't mess around
We just wanna see
You shake it now
Now you wanna be
Your naked now

Get up get down put your hands up to the sound [X3]
Put your hands up to the sound [X2]
Get up [X9]
Put your hands up to the sound
To the sound
Put your hands up !!!!!

Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody just have a good time
And we gonna make you lose your mind
Everybody just have a good good good time

Ohhhhh!!Ohhhhhh!!!Ohhhhhh!!!Ohhh!

I’ve got an idea for a sit-com called “Father Knows Zilch”.

Her: I have a small bump on my wrist here. Don't know what is it. See? *shows me*

Me: *declares* Baby mosquito bite

Her: *stares at me*

Me: Maybe the mother was teaching it how to bite mah. "This is where you put the needle in..."

Her: *joining my train of thought* It should be "This is where you bite..."

Me: *agrees* "This is where you bite. First you put the needle in. Then you suck the blood out. Slurp! Then you pull the needle out and fly away."

Her: Then you leh?

Me: Me? They already bite me. See? *shows her the mosquito bites from my ICT* They probably told their fellow mosquitos: Eh! Got buffet! Come, come!

Her: You guys are humans mah. They very long never suck blood already mah, so they all come and bite you.

Me: Eh. Mosquitoes also bite animals lor.

Her: *thinking fast* But human blood sweeter!

Me: *retort* And how would you know?

Her: *tries to convince me* We eat all the food mah. Got more preservatives and sugar, so our blood sweeter.

Me: Ok. But if that's the case, then they should be having organic blood.

Her: Huh? O.o

Me: Because animals eat plants and other animals mah. No preservatives and other chemicals, so that makes their blood organic.

Her: Eee... But like that their blood not sweet.

Me: But they have to! Must be organic. Must save the earth.

Her: Huh?! O.O

Me: Mosquitoes must also save the earth mah. If everyone dies, then there won't be any people for them to suck blood mah.

Her: *stares at me*

Me: So therefore, in order for them to continue sucking blood from animals and humans, they must also save the earth and be organic.

Sometimes, even i confuse myself. :p

How am I supposed to learn surgery if I can’t dissect anything?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I thank you for valuable time and loyalty to this blog.

I believe the moment has come for us to invest money and resources to answer the most important question of the decade

Does the power of the yellow bird increase when the activation is earlier?

Before you pass this off as another engineering geeky thing, i believe this is a question on many people's mind and a great deal of benefit can come from this research.

Imagine the man-hour savings. Think of the knowledge gained and the happiness we can all achieve. With a proper answer to this question, the green pigs shall be exterminated swiftly and decisively.

Ladies and gentlemen. I believe i do not need to emphasis more on this topic. We must find an answer to this question!

"You can’t ADD things and come out with LESS than you started with!" "I can do that! It’s a free country! I’ve got my rights!"

You know the usual question of "How's work?" or "Do you like/love your job?"

Well, there's a reply which goes, "It's 60-40." Meaning that you love your job 60% of the time, and hate it 40% of the time. In other words,

60/100 = 6/10 = 3/5 = Love Work
40/100 = 4/10 = 2/5 = Hate Work

To simplify it even further, we can also say

60% = 3/5 ≈ 66% = 2/3 = Love Work
40% = 2/5 ≈ 33% = 1/3 = Hate Work

This means that out of 3 days in work, you hate 1 day. Out of a month of 30 days, you will hate your work on 10 days. That doesn't sound so bad.

Now. Consider this. If you're a female, you will have to take into account the effects of your menstrual period. That will probably ruin your day and you will hate your work during that time.

If you're male, you will have to take into account the behavior of your female colleagues or female bosses during their menstrual period. They will probably take out their irritation / anger / discomfort on you. That will probably ruin your day and you will hate your work during that time.

And a woman's menstrual period and effects lasts for typically a week or seven days in a month.

Which also means that the number of days which you hate your work is as follows:

10 + 7 = 17 days in a month = Hate Work

In other words,

17/30 = 57% = Hate Work
13/30 = 43% = Love Work

Therefore, in reality, you hate your work more than half the time.

So. Do you really love your work?

All this was funny until she did the same thing to me.

Because she doesn't believe me, and as per her request, here is a excerpt from the Rulebook of Boyfriends:

Rule #523
The Boyfriend reserves the right to poke, tickle or tease the Girlfriend. This is the divine right of the Boyfriend and serves to keep the Girlfriend on her toes.
Example:
Her: Why you tickle me?!
Him; Because i'm your boyfriend.

Rule #524
The Boyfriend reserves the right to laugh at the Girlfriend. This is to show how comfortable the Boyfriend is, in the relationship.
Example:
Her: You're laughing at me!
Him; Yarh.

Rule #525
The Boyfriend shall agree with the Girlfriend, subject to the topic of discussion. This is to show the support and love of the Boyfriend.
Example:
Her: My bedroom is in a mess.
Him: I agree.

Rule #526
The Boyfriend shall always pay compliments to the Girlfriend. This is to show how much the Boyfriend loves the Girlfriend.
Example:
Her: I look fat in this dress.
Him: Your eyesight is damn good.

Rule #527
Should the Boyfriend find her behavior unbecoming, he shall advise the Girlfriend on what to do. This to ensure that a resemblance of manners exist, even at home.
Example:
After eating dinner...
Her: *burp*
Him: What are you suppose to say?
Her: Excuse me.
Him: Good girl.

All rules and regulations are made with the consultation and agreement of the Boy-Friends Federation, Singapore (BFFs). The BFFs reserves the right to change, alter, add or void the rules and regulations stipulated in this book. In addition, the BFFs reserves the right to have the final say in any matter. Any objections, arguments or criticism from the opposite gender shall not be entertained, discussed, or approved.

Well, it’s a new year. And I’d say the first 10 hours haven’t been up to snuff.

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): Yo. *strides in* How are things, man?

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): Pretty all right, actually. There hasn't been any major catastrophe, nor emotional distress.

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): Really? Why don't you give me a summary of what you've done? Seems like our Key Performance Index (KPI) has risen, so expectations are higher this time round.

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): *groan* Tell me about it. The same thing happened for my predecessor, 2008. He had so many things happening, that now it makes me look bad. *grumbles* He had a change of job, a short-term relationship and a brilliant trip to Taiwan with good friends. How on earth was i suppose to emulate that? *wails* I don't have a single relationship on my CV!

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): *pats back* There there. Things aren't so bad. I'm sure you have had some good things too.

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): *sniff* Well. Things certainly have improved for the job. He has felt slightly more at home and is doing something he thoroughly enjoys. There is so much to learn and the knowledge expansion is one of the reasons why he enjoys it.

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): *soothes* There. You see? That's a good thing, isn't it? Are there any more?

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): But... But... *wails* There wasn't a relationship! He did meet someone, but it didn't work out. *sobz* I was so hoping that it will work out, so i can add it to my CV! I mean, a relationship is a big thing on any CV, and i thought it will be my chance to show what i can do!

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): *taken aback* Erm... I'm sure it was for the best. Perhaps they are not meant to be together. They are still friends, right? That still counts for something, doesn't it?

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): *sniff* I guess so... *sniff*

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): *pats hand* Are there any more good things that happened?

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): Well. He did take up scuba diving and managed to get his Open Water and Advanced Open Water certification. *begins to cheer up* He really does like scuba diving and enjoyed the trips abroad.

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): That's good, that's good. Speaking of going abroad, were there any holidays?

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): Oh yes. He went to Hokkaido and had a pretty good time there. There were one or two places which he didn't really like. I mean, how entertaining can a sake factory or whiskey distillery be? *getting excited* Oh oh. And he saw snow for the first time and tried snow boarding for the first time too!

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): *getting worried about KPI* Wow. That's pretty awesome. Looks like i'll have my work cut out for me, on trying to emulate you.

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): Oh, don't worry. Seems like he has quite a number of friends wanting to go overseas. Plus, there seems to be a good long diving trip in the planning too. It promises to be a lot better than the ones i've had.

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): Really? That sounds pretty good. Lets hope all those talking and planning will turn into something concrete then.

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): I'm sure it will. Plus, his friends seems hell-bent on trying to get him a partner. *sniggers*

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): Really? His friends are really concerned about him, aye? I'm sure he appreciates their effort on his behalf. *rolls eyes*

Outgoing Twenty-Oh-Nine (2009): *clock chimes* Ah. The stroke of midnight! Here you go then. *passes the baton* Good luck! *fades out of view*

Incoming Twenty-Ten (2010): Thanks! *it's left pondering what will befall upon it*

When you’re serious about having fun, its not much fun at all!

When you buy something expensive, it is obviously valuable. Therefore, it makes complete sense that you treasure it and want to protect it somehow.

So if you bought a $120 scarf, its obviously expensive. Because, honestly, how much can scarfs cost?

So. If you had bought such a scarf, it must be treated with care.

Before you take it out, washing of hands is a must. Moreover, you must wash your hands according to the 8 simple steps as recommended by our dear and caring gah men. And no ordinary soap will do. No no, it has to be Dettol. That way, you can ensure that you get rid of all the bacteria which will infect your $120 scarf.



After washing your hands with Dettol, you need to put on your surgical gloves and face mask. Even though you've washed your hands, there is still no guarantee of the absence of germs. And you think your breath is healthy enough for your $120 scarf? No. Just no. Besides, some passer-by might sneeze and ruin your $120 scarf. So, to be safe, surgical gloves and face mask are a must.


Once you have done all that necessary preparations, you can proceed to take out your $120 scarf. Obviously, with it being so expensive, it needs to be in a hermetically-and-liquid-nitrogen sealed container. That way, you can ensure the freshness and mint condition of your $120 scarf.

And to prevent any jealous passer-by from stealing your $120 scarf, you will need to punch in the ten-digit code onto the container's number pad. No precaution is too light for your $120 scarf.

Once you've gained access, much to the amazement of people around you, you can now put on your $120 scarf. Now, i know you've washed your hands and put on the surgical gloves. But you can't be too safe, can you? So you need to use tweezers to extract your $120 scarf. Use a pair, if necessary. They have to be blunt, obviously. Otherwise, the sharp points might pierce into the 100% wool fabric and ruin it.

Once you've used the tweezers to maneuver your $120 scarf in place, you can now bask in the glory and admiration of the people around you.

Be happy and satisfied that you've taken every single reasonable step to protect your $120 scarf.

Isn’t it sad how some pple’s grip on their lives is so dicy that they’ll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?

So anyway, you know when you're trundling on the so-called path of life, your body changes in unexpected ways.

Puberty is a good example, but not one which i'm thinking of...

Sometimes you will find that the food that you love to eat since you were young, will suddenly and unexpectedly disgust you.

Durians are a good example. For all your life, you've loved to eat durians. You probably eat one or two boxes of durians with little or no problem at all. But one day, for some explicit and unexplained reason, your body decides that durians are disgusting. Thats sad, isn't it?



And talking about durians, there are one or two old wives' tale about durians.

Such as drinking salt water from the empty durian husk will flush out any impurities of the previously eaten durian. And that if you get pricked or injured by a durian, for quicker recovery, you can use the remaining flesh from the durian husk to massage on the injured area.

But old wives' tale rarely have any credentials to them, do they? So we should use this opportunity to test this old wives tale of using the remaining flesh from the durian husk to heal durian-caused injuries.

A healthy body is preferable for this line of research. In order to conduct this research effectively, varying degrees of injuries should be performed on the body. Caused by a durian, of course. Three (3) varying degrees of injuries should be sufficient.

It is recommended that the durian should penetrate the body by 5mm, 10mm and 15mm. A general tolerance of ± 1mm is acceptable.

By the nature of this research and its objectives, a comparison must be made. The general recommendation of the second method is to leave the injuries untouched. It is possible but highly improbable that the body should bleed to death due to the second method.

However, since two (2) methods are used and three (3) varying degrees of injuries are performed, the healthy body must have a minimum of six (6) sides to perform this important research.

To truly complete the research, a third method should be used to compare between the first two (2) methods. Since there is a comparison between leaving the injuries untouched, and healing them with the remaining flesh from the durian husk, the third method should be healing the injuries via other means.

There is no recommendation for the said "other means" of healing. Therefore it is dependent on the discretion and objectives of the researcher.

Hence, with three (3) methods and three (3) varying degrees of injuries, the healthy body must now have a minimum of nine (9) sides to complete this important research. Should the body have more sides to experiment on, the researcher may experiment by using different types of durians.

This is very important research. Any advances in this area will greatly help the medical field in trying to cure the durian-caused injuries, which are in all probability, performed by the ah-bengs in this country.

Physical education is what you learn from having your face in someone’s armpit right before lunch.

Which of the below is true?

1. I offered to sprained my right ankle to Scolari, so that he will be distracted enough for Manchester United to beat Chelsea 3-0. :p
   
2. I was showing on the pitch to Sir Alex Ferguson some good tactics to beat Chelsea. However, while showing the said good tatics, i sprained my right ankle. At least they used my tactics because they won 3-0. xD
   
3. Its my attention craving period of the month again, according to my friends. -__-
4. My left foot got jealous of my right foot's continual good health, and therefore contrived to sprained my right foot just to see him suffer.
   
5. God is trying to tell me that i can't play soccer, since this is the second time i'm spraining my ankle while playing soccer.

Sigh... I really do think i can't play soccer anymore. :(

Let me check what the deductible is on my insurance policy.

Right Foot: So. Whats the deal with you?

Left Foot: *grumbles* Don't know. It just happened, ya know?

Right Foot: Don't you remember anything?

Left Foot: Nope. All i know is that when our owner woke up on Sunday, i was aching whenever he rotates me.

Right Foot: Well, at least our owner brought you to see the chinese physician on Tuesday, right?

Left Foot: Yeah. But after we went back on Wednesday to change the dressing, i was in so much pain that he woke up in the middle of the night.

Right Foot: Sheesh. Whats going on? When our owner brought me to see the chinese physician a couple of weeks back, i was fine after that. The healing method was excruciatingly painful, but at least i healed. You don't seem to be responding well to the same treatment.

Left Foot: Beats me. I thought i would heal the same way you did. But apparently not.

Right Foot: So now what?

Left Foot: Our owner has been taking some pills to ease the pain. So far so good. And then, we went for an x-ray yesterday. Lets hope they find the real cause and heal it quickly. I don't want to have a relapse.

Right Foot: You can say that again. I think our owner wants to cut you off and replace you with a brand new foot.

Left Foot: Ha! Easier said than done. If he could, he would. But he can't, can he? *smirks*

Argh.

See if we can sell Mom and Dad into slavery for a star cruiser.

Now, in relation to my old post on time-travelling, i seemed to have stumbled upon a real life black hole.

Yes, my friends. A real life black hole. And i am not joking.

If you have ever been to the toilets on the first storey of The Cathay Building, you'll know what i'm on about.

The first time you try finding your way to the said toilets, you will have to go through a door first. This door is very important. I shall touch on it later. Now, along the long passageway, there are decorative circles of different sizes on the walls. I suspect they were placed there to distract you from the long journey. Not me though. I think those circles are actually planets of the solar system. I think there was one that suspiciously looked like the moons of Jupiter.

But no matter, we shall press on. And then when you pass the door that leads to the carpark, you really start to think: Is this journey ever going to end? And bear in mind, your bladder is going to burst under the continuing strain of containment throughout the entire space journey. But we didn't win the world wars by giving up, did we? No. The human spirit shall prevail. And indeed, you finally reached your destination. The sighs of relief probably could be heard throughout the entire solar system in which you just travelled through.

And then, you start on the long journey back. Now that your bladder has been relieved of its burden, you feel much better and start to take notice of the scenery. That extra small circle looks like Pluto. And those little dots there look like the asteriod belt. Hhhmm.... Oh, yes. We have passed the door that leads to the carpark.

And when you finally reach the last door, the minute you step out and back into The Cathay Building, you find that you have aged ten years. You start to look around blearly and your feet are shaking with fatigue after that long journey. Your friends probably look at you in horror, exclaiming about how different you look and why did you take so damn long.

Now. Back to that important door. I really do think they have somehow managed to capture a black hole and shove it indiscreetly into that doorway. So when you step in and out of that door, you won't notice it. The only evidence that the black hole is there, is the signs of aging when you come out through that door.

And you know the worst thing? Us guys aged ten years when we come out of that door.

The girls? I think they aged thirty years when they come out of that door.

If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.

Ok. I'll be the first to admit that i'm a kantang.

I only got a B3 for my 'O' level Chinese by luck and i got a C5 for my 'AO' level Chinese by chance. The only reason why i didn't fail on both occasions, is because the marker probably reached his quota for failing people and gave me sympathy marks for me to pass.

However, i still can write, converse and listen to a little bit of Chinese. Writing, saying and hearing my chinese name counts, doesn't it? So i'm not really a kantang, right? A full kantang is one who cannot read, talk or listen to Chinese at all. So i'm probably half a kantang (where half = 1/2 = 0.5 = 50%).

Speaking of which, if

English = kantang,

therefore it stands to reason that

Chinese = rice?

Hhhmmm... Lets just work on that basis then.

After much 'education' from the army and two years of talking to contractors, my mother has commented any number of times that my Hokkien is improving. However, i can't write Hokkien. So how does this language fit in? And since

English = kantang
Chinese = rice,

therefore by following the same line of reasoning,

Hokkien = prawn noodles?

Hhhmmm.... Lets continue working on that basis.

Since we have already establish that i am half a kantang (where half = 1/2 = 0.5 = 50%), it also stands to reason that the rice and prawn noodles will occupy the remaining space. This can be calculated by a very complex equation as follows:

kantang + rice + prawn noodles = Me
rice + prawn noodles = Me - kantang

Since Me = 1 = 100%, kantang = half = 1/2 = 0.5 = 50%,

rice + prawn noodles = 1 - 1/2 = 1 - 0.5 = 100% - 50%

rice + prawn noodles = 1/2 = 0.5 = 50%

Since rice = listen + talk + read, prawn noodles = listen + talk,

(listen + talk + read) + (listen + talk) = 50%

therefore, assuming listen = talk = read = 10%,

rice = 30%

prawn noodles = 20%

And since i'm an engineer, of course i have a nice little graph to show you how it looks like.

Tada!

So. What is your language composition? :)

You know you’ll hate something when they won’t tell you what it is.

Well, it seems that on this fateful day, i have been given another new title.

In addition to the titles of

Osama-bin-Ensui,
The-One-Who-Started-The-Fire,
Instigator of all Conspiracy Theories,
Bringer of Aids and Ebola and Worldwide Epidemics and All Other Necessary Bad Things To Effect a Complete and Satisfactory Infamy,

and

Chief-Of-Pia-Sai-But-Doesn't-Have-Any-Subordinates,
aka Chief-of-Carrying-Shit,
Brick-Layer,

I have been given a third title of

The-Turkey-Man-with-the-Sunflower

And beware. The Sunflower is no ordinary sunflower. It may look small like this:


But in actuality, it towers over three storeys bookshelves high as shown here:


And it is thus with this magical three-storeys-bookshelves-high Sunflower, was i knighted. And in this ceremony whereby the third title was bestow upon my reluctant humble self, it was with much pomp, ceremony, sparklers, cheers, song and dance that i unwillingly gratefully and grudgingly graciously accept my fate.

All evil-doers beware! The-Turkey-Man-with-the-Sunflower shall bring you to justice! Flee or feel the wrath of my magical three-storeys-bookshelves-high Sunflower!

Cheers, guys. You. Really. Shouldn't. Have.

Here I am, happy and content. But not euphoric. So now I’m no longer content. I’m unhappy. My day is ruined. I need to stop thinking while I’m ahead.

For all those out there who read my blog because of my amusing and happy posts:

If there are any in the first place.

I'm really sorry.

I have not been able to produce any posts which are the reasons for you coming here.

This is because there is a cursed block on my table. It constantly interferes with my vision, so i can't concentrate.

Somehow, i have to get around this writer's block. Hhhmm...

Who’d have thought disgust would be inflationary?

As of yesterday, in addition to my previous title of

Osama-bin-Ensui,
The-One-Who-Started-The-Fire,
Instigator of all Conspiracy Theories,
Bringer of Aids and Ebola and Worldwide Epidemics and All Other Necessary Bad Things To Effect a Complete and Satisfactory Infamy,

I have been given another title of

Chief-Of-Pia-Sai-But-Doesn't-Have-Any-Subordinates,
aka Chief-of-Carrying-Shit,
Brick-Layer

Apparently, my company of pia-sai is ISO certified, albeit its the environment one not the quality one. So i guess i can carry shit in a way that is less harmful to the earth, but give shitty service.

And because my company of pia-sai is ISO certified, i have a Quality Manual somewhere, which states the necessary methods and procedures. I just have to find it somewhere *rummages around*.

... ...

...

Oh, c'mon. I'm busy as it is, trying to spread all the diseases and Ebola and Aids and conspiracy theories. Now i have to carry shit as well?

And the worse thing is, i don't even have any subordinates!

I mean, this must be the first time in the whole of human history, that there is a title of Chief-of-somethingorother but. Doesn't. Have. Any. Subordinates!

My friends have expressed their utmost confidence in my ability to multi-task and expect me to pass through with flying colors. This is despite the fact that they have:

1. scolded me for not doing my job of pia-sai properly,
   
2. scolded me for not doing my job of pia-sai at the right time,
3. abusing me by over-loading my current workload,
   
4. refusing to give me any due compensation, and
   
5. ignoring me

Where is my union?! I want to comprain! I refuse to work until my working conditions are better!

Sighz...

Life, as me, sure is difficult sometimes. (-.-)

How can something seem so plausible at the time and so idiotic in retrospect?

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT bring my two good friends to see any sort of masculine movie such as 300 or - just last night - Beowulf.

Why?

The reaction after the movie will be most infuriating and frustrating and exasperating.

-----

Who am i?
I AM BEOWULF!!!

Can we please decide on where we shall go next?
I AM BEOWULF!!!

While in the car, waiting at the lights...
Eh. How come those kids are crossing the lights? Oh yeah, the lights are red. I wanted to roll down the window and shout "I AM BEOWULF!!!"

While parking the car...
Eh, there is a couple in the car next to us. Lets knock on their window and shout "I AM BEOWULF!!!"

Who wrote Jurassic Park?
I AM BEOWULF!!!

After signing onto MSN...
Roy_Leng says: I AM BEOWULF!!!!
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: nah beiz....
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: seven morning eight morning shout i am beowulf
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: go back to sleep lah.
Roy_Leng says: i juz woke up
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: go back to sleep.
Roy_Leng says: I AM BEOWULF.... I DO NOT SLEEP!!

<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: why are you so crappy? because you just wake up issit?
Roy_Leng says: yep
Roy_Leng says: coz....
Roy_Leng says: I AM BEOWULF!!!!!
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: you are so dead.
Roy_Leng says: yr treats do not frighten me....
Roy_Leng says: I have slain sea monsters, rip off the heart of the dragon....
Roy_Leng says: and...
Roy_Leng says: I AM BEOWULF!!!
-----

For a nominal sum, i'll happily rip their hearts/throats out to keep them silent. (-.-)

The Incurable Weirdness Poster Child

"Eh. How come the floodlights are on? National Day over already mah."

It was a simple question asked by me.

Tonight, after much discussion over coffee, it appears that i've been subsequently knighted by

King Roy-of-Pure-Oxygen-That-Keeps-The-Fire-Burning

and

Queen Rosie-of-Dry-Wood-That-Fuels-The-Fire.

I, thusly, have been knighted / renamed as

Osama-bin-Ensui,

The-One-Who-Started-The-Fire,

Instigator of all Conspiracy Theories,

Bringer of Aids and Ebola and Worldwide Epidemics and All Other Necessary Bad Things To Effect a Complete and Satisfactory Infamy.

... ...

...

*shakes head* Its great comfort to know that friends always have my best interests in mind. (-.-)

The majority of work in this thesis is original. However, some assistance with material and research has been provided by my fellow Gong-ers: Part 2

Presenting the sequel to Theories Part One (Ref: Ensui, 18 January 2007)...

You know you are seriously addicted to mahjong when you start correlating bus numbers to mahjong tiles.

Let me explain.

Lets say you are at a bus stop and are waiting for bus number 14 to take you home. Now, since only bus number 14 can take you home, this means that you "dan-diao" aka you're waiting for only one tile.

So by that same token of logic, if you're waiting for bus number 111, it means that you "dan-diao" (Ref: Ensui, 29 July 2007, third paragraph) three bamboo aka "san-suo". This is because there are three ones, and they look like the bamboo in mahjong tiles. On the other hand, you could also say that you are waiting for a "pong" aka three of the same kind, which is three ones in this case.

So while waiting for that single bus - be it bus number 111 or 14 or whichever number that applies in the current circumstances - to take you home, bus number 143 and 7 comes along. A bunch of girls get on the bus number 7, and you think to yourself: Darn. Those girls already "hu" aka win liaoz, and i haven't. Should i change my tiles to get a better chance of winning aka by walking to another bus stop? No, its too late in the game to change my tiles. I shall remain here.

10 mins later, another 143 comes along. Then you start thinking: Darn. I could have used bus number 143 as "yan-jing" aka two mahjong tiles of the same type. Then bus number 77 appears, then you start thinking: Hey! I can "pong" (Ref: Ensui, 29 July 2007, fourth paragraph)!

Another 10 mins pass, another bus number 7 appears and right behind is the bus you were waiting for.

Now this situation is slightly complicated, but i shall explain the best way i can.

So firstly, you "gung" aka four of the same kind, which is mahjong tile 7 in this case. So you pick a tile from the "flower" side and find the tile that you were waiting for, which means that you "hu" (Ref: Ensui, 29 July 2007, fifth paragraph)! That also means that since you picked the winning tile from the "flower" side, you "hua-sang"!

So in summary, you "gung" (Ref: Ensui, 29 July 2007, seven paragraph), "hua-sang" (Ref: Ensui, 29 July 2007, seventh paragraph) and "hu" (Ref: Ensui, 29 July 2007, fifth paragraph)!

And so you board the bus which you "dan-diao" (Ref: Ensui, 29 July 2007, third paragraph) for so long, and seat yourself with a small self-congratulatory smile on your face.

Oh. One other thing.

If one day, you see a bus number "hong-zhong" aka a red middle, "bai-ban" aka white coffin, or "fa-cai" aka wealth, you need to seek help. Fast.