Here I am, happy and content. But not euphoric. So now I’m no longer content. I’m unhappy. My day is ruined. I need to stop thinking while I’m ahead.

For all those out there who read my blog because of my amusing and happy posts:

If there are any in the first place.

I'm really sorry.

I have not been able to produce any posts which are the reasons for you coming here.

This is because there is a cursed block on my table. It constantly interferes with my vision, so i can't concentrate.

Somehow, i have to get around this writer's block. Hhhmm...

Life is full of precluded possibilities.

There are times when you stand at the crossroads in life and peer at the two paths in front of you.

The first path continues along your current walkway. Stable and well-trod. The second path forks out away from the current walkway. Unknown and mysterious.

As you peer ahead at the second path, the thick fog of possibility shrouds your vision. You can barely see a few meters into the second path.

However, as you stare longer, you begin to see the rewards and dreams that you have been waiting for. You start to get excited because the second path offers a lot more than the first path and is the one that you have looking for.

However, as you stare longer, you start to wonder if you were just imagining things. Perhaps those rewards and dreams aren't really there. Perhaps the second path isn't there at all. Perhaps the patrolling demons of failure and despair are waiting to tear you apart the minute you step foot onto the second path.

As you stand there and wrestle with your indecision, time flows on. You have to make a decision, one way or another.

Question is, which path do you take?

The more indecisive I am, the faster things get decided.

Work is a lot like having a run or jog.

When you get started, you find it difficult to get going. Lethargy sets in. You start wishing for your nice little warm bed to lie in.

You start your morning off in the office. Lethargy sets in. You laze around, not really wanting to start work.

Then, when you're all fired up and going, you just keep going and going. Your legs have a life of their own, carrying your body further and further. Time is always your enemy. There are always competitors and mind games to battle.

As the day progresses, you get your stuff out and keep doing your work. Your brain starts thinking faster and faster about the things you need to do, the emails you need to send out, the people you need to call. Time is always your enemy. There are always competitors and political games to battle.

When you are nearing the finishing line, your adrenaline steps in and pushes your body to the limit. You gasp for breath, but keep sprinting for the finishing line because it signifies the end.

On your last few days before your annual leave, you start clearing your work. On the very last day, you work really really late because you can sleep in and relax the next day. Your body is screaming for rest and food, but your brain keeps you going, keeps you thinking, keeps you working.

Then you stop suddenly, and your body can't react fast enough to cool your body down. You walk around, trying to relax all the tense muscles and catch your breath back.

On the first day of your leave, although you don't need to work, you wake up early as usual. You surf around, pace around, walk around. Trying to find things to do, things to occupy your restless mind, things to relax your mood.

When you try to run again, the momentum is lost and you have to build it up again. Rinse and repeat. The cycle comes in a full circle.

When you come back from your annual leave, you lost the momentum for work. You have to build up the mindset again. Rinse and repeat. The cycle comes in a full circle.

My “Plan A’s” are great. But my “Plan B’s” leave a lot to be desired.

The time now is 1.30am in the morning.

I have been tossing and turning, but i can't sleep. Earlier tonight, i felt sleepy. So i took a quick nap and woke up at 12.30am. Seeing that i was awake anyway, i logged onto Facebook for a quick check. Since then, i have not been able to get back to sleep, no matter how much i've tried.

-----
Checklist For A Good Night's Sleep:
1. Comfy pillow? Check.
2. Comfy quilt? Check.
3. New mattress for the bed? Check.
4. Favourite sleeping position? Check.
5. Windows open for cool night breeze? *silence*
-----

I'm turning on the stupid air-condition. -.-

The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

- "Teardrops On My Guitar" by Taylor Swift

Exercise is a lot more gratifying if you count what it feels like.

Number of flight of stairs to reach nth storey
= (n-1) x 2
First Example: To get to the 2nd storey of any building via manual labour from the 1st storey, one would have to climb two flight of stairs.
Second Example: To get to the 3rd storey of any building from the 1st storey, one would have to climb four flight of stairs.

So today started out like any other day. Dressed in a dark grey long-sleeve shirt with my customary black pants, i walked to the office from the train station. And because its an old building, there is no lift. So i climbed the stairs to the office at the 5th storey.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= (5-1) x 2
= 8

Before i could even sit on my chair, my boss intercom-ed me and i was asked to participate in a discussion. So i climbed down to the 4th storey where the conference room is.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= 8 + {[(5-1) x 2 ] - [(4 - 1) x 2]}
= 8 + (8 - 6)
= 10

During the discussion, my boss invited me and my colleagues to join him in an inspection of a newly constructed building. Since its a chance to learn more, i went along with the rest of my colleagues. We drove there.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= 10 + [(4 - 1) x 2]
= 10 + 6
= 16

When we reached there, we were told that the lift wasn't ready yet. Since our boss suggested that we start our inspection from the top floor down, we climbed to the flat roof which is designated as the 8th storey.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= 16 + [(8 - 1) x 2]
= 16 + 14
= 30

Having inspected the top floor to our satisfaction, we slowly made our way down while inspecting every floor.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= 30 + [(8 - 1) x 2]
= 30 + 14
= 44

After my boss gave his debrief and drove us back, we went back to the office to put our stuff down.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= 44 + [(5 - 1) x 2]
= 44 + 8
= 52

After that, we went for lunch.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= 52 + [(5 - 1) x 2]
= 52 + 8
= 60

After lunch, we headed back to the office.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= 60 + [(5 - 1) x 2]
= 60 + 8
= 68

While doing my work, i discussed an important matter with someone over the phone. Since i'm really busy these days and forgetful due to work, i thought it best to settle the matter now. This meant that i had to travel to his office.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= 68 + [(5 - 1) x 2]
= 68 + 8
= 74

Joy of joys! His office has a lift!

After settling the matter, i headed back to office.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed so far
= 74 + [(5 - 1) x 2]
= 74 + 8
= 82

I went home at 7pm.

Total number of flight of stairs climbed for today
= 82 + [(5 - 1) x 2]
= 82 + 8
= 90

... ... (-.-)

My dark grey shirt has been wet from my perspiration so many times and dried so many times, that i think its no longer black.

... ...

Its probably white now, due to the 1000 tons of salt deposits from my umpteen-dried-up-perspiration.

I refuse to be victimised by notions of virtuous behaviour.

You know you've played too much Facebook applications such as Warbook and Battle-Stations when...

1. You are nervous all day because you've gained too much land too quickly on Warbook and worry about others hitting you because your Defense Per Acre (DPA) has reduced.
2. You check your status on Warbook and Battle-Stations when you wake up in the morning. And again when you reach home. And again every two/three hours while you're home.
3. You check your status on Warbook and Battle-Stations after getting home from mahjong at 3am in morning and don't go to sleep till 5am.
4. While on the way home in a taxi/bus/train, you mentally plan out your moves and calculate your defense and attack.
   
5. You jump up and down in elation when you defend successfully against some idiot on Battle-Stations because your hero gains experience to level up and that you can buy a better ship and fit it out with better equipment.
   
6. You laugh and jeer when you defend successfully against some idiot on Warbook because he/she underestimated you and your hero gains experience to level up.
7. You get angry because some idiot on Warbook hits you for 300 acres of land, and then you stare at disbelief when you see the size of his army, and then feel extremely good when you retaliate for 1000 acres of land.

Man. I need help. Fast. (-.-)

War-On-Flab: D-Day Minus Five

On the first weekend of 2008, i decided to get my ass moving into some semblance of exercise.

But guess what?

It rained.

*shrugs*

What can you do when the circumstances are against your will?

*goes back to being a couch-potato*

I don’t care about being accepted. I’d settle for being ignored.

"Eh. Very long time never see you leh. Think got five years leh."

"Really? Has it been that long?"

-----

"Eh. Join in lah. Don't every time 'spectator' leh."

-----

Good morning my friend. I just want to say so nice to see you last night. Thanks for the dedication you have shown. 21SC forever!

Dedication? What dedication? I'm prob the least dedicated. I've been missing for so long you guys prob think i was dead. :D
Are you planning the flight details? I forgot to tell you that i'll settle my flight ticket from Singapore to Australia, but i'll fly back to Singapore with you guys.

Haha. Nonetheless, we welcome all who replies calls and turns up. We all go through cycles in life right?

-----

Sometimes its good to see old friends and find that they have rarely changed. It brings a sense of continuity, and a feeling of nostalgia and familiarity.

It has been ten (10) years since we known each other. I'm ashamed to say that i was extremely childish, naive and brash. I'll give everything in the world to change my past actions and deeds.

I'm glad that you guys greeted me last night as a friend and not as a stranger.

I'm glad that you guys gave me another chance to show how much i've changed.

I'm glad that i caught up with you guys last night.

Thank you.

It’s always shocking to see one’s existence reduced to a blurb.

There are times when i simply wish i could re-program my life, or my emotions, or my brain.

As i sat there last night, a bout of depression hit me with the force of a thousand battering rams. I simply can't explain how and why did it hit me. I felt heavy-hearted, stoned and listless. The company of my good friends, playing mahjong and our usual jests, teases and chattering couldn't raise me from my stupor.

If i was in a Harry Potter novel, i would have said that a Dementor had found me and was sucking all my happiness and energy away.

Mentally, i shook myself to try and rid of the depression and listlessness. But it wouldn't go away. It clung onto me, like a lice on a stray dog.

And you know what?

Its bloody frustrating.

Its frustrating to know that your emotions that is not within your control and illogical in nature. Its frustrating to know that your feelings are controlling your mood and you can't do a single thing about it. Its frustrating to know that whatever you do, you can't change how you feel.

I tried to sleep it off, thinking my body was tired and needed the rest.

I tried doing menial work to take my mind off things. I cleared my last box of junk that had remain untouched since i came back from studying in Australia. I put up my new magazine rack which i bought from Muji.

I tried eating my lunch, thinking that maybe i needed food to cheer myself up.

I tried playing games on Facebook to get my brain distracted.

And you know what?

All that didn't work. The feeling of heavy-hearted and listless remains.

What is wrong with me?!

Happy New Year, everyone.

Be careful, or be roadkill!

Today, while i was waiting at a major junction at Bishan, i felt a cold, hard stare focusing at me.

I looked across.

Its white body was sitting low and menacing on the road. Its body shape tensed, like a puma ready to pounce. Its hostile stare continued to bore through my entire being, challenging every car on the road.

It was a white Audi R8, the latest super-car from the German manufacturer.

"Driving most super-cars is like trying to man-handle a cow up the backstage. This... is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly."
"I'm um... I'm completely sold. As far as i'm concerned, this car is almost without fault. It is absolutely stunning."
- Jeremy Clarkson in "Top Gear" Season 10 Episode 2

Later at a minor junction in Ang Mo Kio, i waited for the green light. When it came, i heard the smooth loud purr on my right. There was no mistaking the audio pleasure.

A shining and gleaming prancing horse adorned its back, pronouncing its breeding proudly. With a smooth flowing body and heritage glowing through the chasis and metalwork, it was a beauty.

It was a light blue Ferrari. As i didn't see the front, my guess is that it was a F430.

"So the handling is like the engine: brilliant. And so are the brakes, and so is the steering, and so is comfort, and so is the quality."
"Even the driving position is perfect. In fact, i'm struggling to think of anything wrong with this thing."
- Jeremy Clarkson in "Top Gear" Season 6 Episode 8

I want both cars for my Christmas present. :D

-----

Update:
24/12/07
As i looked across the street, something catches my eye. From the front, it looked like an ordinary Lamborghini Murcielago.

Until i admired its back.

A single great big exhaust stared right back at me. Its engine glass cover displayed the full glory of its sleeping giant. The giant oil cooling aperture on its left winked at me, as i gaped in wonder.

It was an orange Lamborghini Murcielago LP640.

"You get 500 carbon dioxides and 640 brake horsepower. Thats more than you get from a Porsche Carrera GT or a McClaren Mercedes SLR! Its more than you get from a Zonda!"
"The result is spectacular. This is not a light car, but my god its fast. Properly. Savagely fast."
- Jeremy Clarkson in "Top Gear" Season 9 Episode 5

And what better way to celebrate a religious holiday than with a month of frenzied consumerism?

Have you ever wondered how strangely our minds work? There seems to be a small part of us that defies logic, that defies all reasonings and theories, that goes against all common sense.

Even if we know that something is bad for us, we still continue doing it. Even if we know and reason to ourselves that its wrong, our minds still involuntary stray to the left path and not the right one.

No, its not curiosity nor the lack of discipline. Neither is it the peer pressure nor the circumstances which we are in.

For example.

We know that smoking is bad for us and for our health. But yet, we still continue to smoke.

We know that some of our friends don't like us to say certain things or do certain things. But yet, we still continue in saying it or doing it.

We know that by doing certain things, we will get into trouble. But yet, we still continue to do them.

We know that this festive season is also the period where people tend to get depressed and lonely. But yet, we still continue to feel melancholy and alone.

We know that a failed relationship was not our fault, nor due to us. But yet, we still continue to wonder if we could have done something so that it wouldn't have failed.

Our minds are truly strange. No matter how convinced we are in something, we still tend to do/think otherwise.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

How many boards would the Mongols hoard, if the Mongol hordes got bored?

Right. I knew i would get something like that. Why can't i have something nice/fierce/noble like a lion or tiger? But oh no. I got a monkey instead. Anyone wanna share some peanuts?

The world is probably funnier to people who don’t live here.

Great. I just remembered that i need to do some testing at a school. I'm supposed to be there at 6pm, i'm meeting my friends at 7pm and the time now is 6.30pm. Guess i better catch a cab there and see i can do the testing quickly.

Taxi Fare from Office to the School = $15.00
My reaction when i found out that the school was closed and that i couldn't do the testing = Priceless

Fine. Since i'm nearby, i might as well go home and see if i can use the car and drive to Vivocity.

Taxi Fare from the School to Home = $8.00
My reaction when i found out that no one was home and the car not present = Priceless

Fine. Since i'm in a cab anyway, i guess i'll go straight to Vivocity. Hopefully i still can catch my friends for dinner.

Taxi Fare from Home to Vivocity = $13.00
My reaction when i found out that my friends hadn't even decided on the dinner venue = Priceless

Sighz...

This is going to be a very long week. (-.-)

-----

Update:
Mela's Day
Taxi fare to Court: $4.00
My reaction when I find out that my only file for today is actually for Friday: Priceless

Who’d have thought disgust would be inflationary?

As of yesterday, in addition to my previous title of

Osama-bin-Ensui,
The-One-Who-Started-The-Fire,
Instigator of all Conspiracy Theories,
Bringer of Aids and Ebola and Worldwide Epidemics and All Other Necessary Bad Things To Effect a Complete and Satisfactory Infamy,

I have been given another title of

Chief-Of-Pia-Sai-But-Doesn't-Have-Any-Subordinates,
aka Chief-of-Carrying-Shit,
Brick-Layer

Apparently, my company of pia-sai is ISO certified, albeit its the environment one not the quality one. So i guess i can carry shit in a way that is less harmful to the earth, but give shitty service.

And because my company of pia-sai is ISO certified, i have a Quality Manual somewhere, which states the necessary methods and procedures. I just have to find it somewhere *rummages around*.

... ...

...

Oh, c'mon. I'm busy as it is, trying to spread all the diseases and Ebola and Aids and conspiracy theories. Now i have to carry shit as well?

And the worse thing is, i don't even have any subordinates!

I mean, this must be the first time in the whole of human history, that there is a title of Chief-of-somethingorother but. Doesn't. Have. Any. Subordinates!

My friends have expressed their utmost confidence in my ability to multi-task and expect me to pass through with flying colors. This is despite the fact that they have:

1. scolded me for not doing my job of pia-sai properly,
   
2. scolded me for not doing my job of pia-sai at the right time,
3. abusing me by over-loading my current workload,
   
4. refusing to give me any due compensation, and
   
5. ignoring me

Where is my union?! I want to comprain! I refuse to work until my working conditions are better!

Sighz...

Life, as me, sure is difficult sometimes. (-.-)

Do you think love is nothing but a biochemical reaction designed to make sure our genes get passed on?

“In that last dance of chances
I shall partner you no more.
I shall watch another turn you
As you move across the floor.

In that last dance of chances
When I bid your life goodbye
I will hope she treats you kindly.
I will hope you learn to fly.

In that last dance of chances
When I know you’ll not be mine
I will let you go with longing
And the hope that you’ll be fine

In that last dance of chances
We shall know each other’s minds.
We will part with our regrets
When the tie no longer binds”

- “Fool’s Fate” by Robin Hobb

How can something seem so plausible at the time and so idiotic in retrospect?

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT bring my two good friends to see any sort of masculine movie such as 300 or - just last night - Beowulf.

Why?

The reaction after the movie will be most infuriating and frustrating and exasperating.

-----

Who am i?
I AM BEOWULF!!!

Can we please decide on where we shall go next?
I AM BEOWULF!!!

While in the car, waiting at the lights...
Eh. How come those kids are crossing the lights? Oh yeah, the lights are red. I wanted to roll down the window and shout "I AM BEOWULF!!!"

While parking the car...
Eh, there is a couple in the car next to us. Lets knock on their window and shout "I AM BEOWULF!!!"

Who wrote Jurassic Park?
I AM BEOWULF!!!

After signing onto MSN...
Roy_Leng says: I AM BEOWULF!!!!
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: nah beiz....
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: seven morning eight morning shout i am beowulf
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: go back to sleep lah.
Roy_Leng says: i juz woke up
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: go back to sleep.
Roy_Leng says: I AM BEOWULF.... I DO NOT SLEEP!!

<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: why are you so crappy? because you just wake up issit?
Roy_Leng says: yep
Roy_Leng says: coz....
Roy_Leng says: I AM BEOWULF!!!!!
<engineer>Jason</engineer> says: you are so dead.
Roy_Leng says: yr treats do not frighten me....
Roy_Leng says: I have slain sea monsters, rip off the heart of the dragon....
Roy_Leng says: and...
Roy_Leng says: I AM BEOWULF!!!
-----

For a nominal sum, i'll happily rip their hearts/throats out to keep them silent. (-.-)

Two part slush, one part solid ice. One part hard-packed snow, a dash of assorted debris. Sculpt into sphere, & serve at high velocity without warning

After serving the country for almost three weeks in the flies-kangaroo-wallaby infested land of Down Under, there are a few ideas which i've thought and encountered.

-----

Firstly, when serving the country, we men automatically degrade our language. We start to curse and swear with no discrimination. We use vulgarities like punctuations. Its almost as if the restraints of courtesy and manners have been unleashed and our true selves appear. As one of my officers remarked, "Army without swearing, just doesn't seem right. It just doesn't seem to work."


Secondly, when serving the country, we men automatically turn horny. Its probably due to the all-guys environment. Whenever a female is in our vicinity, provided she's not fugly moderately looking, we start behaving like wolves eying a lone sheep or lamb. It doesn't matter whether we're attached or married, we will start mentally undressing leering admiring the woman. FHM and Maxim magazines are always available in abundance, and are perused with wide eyes and bated breaths. They are usually returned to the disgusted owner in a condition so soggy and worn out that it makes you wonder what your friends have done with them.


Thirdly, after being outfield for approximately 7 days, we men can go a little crazy. One fine example was one of my officers. He was out laying obstacles at a junction for our enemies and planned to attack them from behind. Our operations/planning officer asked him what kind of name he wanted for this operation. His response? "Operation gan-ka-cheng", literally translated as "Operation Poke-Backside" or for the more civilised/educated/learned mind, "Operation Sodomy". For his efforts and the hilarious operation name, he took down a mine-clearing team and a tank.


Fourth. Active servicemen (those who are serving their customary two years of service) are so gullible.
First example - We managed to capture a grand total of 14 numbers of recce/scouts, with four captured by our unit. How? Here is what happened:
Enemy Recce: *seeing one of our men* Eh. I can't seem to find Tango Zero Eight.
Our man: *thinks quickly* Eh. I can't find it also leh.
Enemy Recce: Which unit you from, by the way?
Our man: *names their allied unit* C'mon. I saw something over there.
Our man: *walks to our vehicle, holding the enemy recce* Sir, caught him already.
After capturing two recces, our officer sits down with them in front of the vehicle, brings out some beer and starts chatting with them casually. After some time, the third recce came out, surrendered himself and joins in the conversation. After some time, the fourth recce came out and surrendered himself. Four recces/scouts caught. All without breaking a sweat. :D
Second example - We were caught behind the enemy lines because we were slacking and sleeping off. After much thinking, our officer decided that we will try and rejoin our main force. We then proceeded to remove any traces that would identify us and drove as casually as we could. We passed by our enemy troops and tanks, behaving like we knew what we were doing. Not a single person stopped us to verify our identification or our unit. We managed to rejoin our forces in time. :D


Fifth. There is different mindset when we men switch from civilian mode to reservist mode. When we are in civilian mode, our minds are mostly concentrated on work. Once we put on that uniform or enter the camp, we automatically go into reservist mode. Granted, we don't have to stress out about work but the mindset is completely different. Once we enter the camp, our responsibilities and job scope is very different. Its almost like wrenching out your civilian brain and transplanting an army brain into your head. The transition sometimes works seamlessly, but it always requires a great deal of adjustment.


-----

There. Now that i've managed to heave my lazy ass off the bed and onto the computer to post this, please excuse me while i heave my lazy ass back into slacking clearing my leave slowly change my mindset back into civilian mode.

At this room, time enters a no-passing zone.

Arrived home today to be told that we have a new shed.

Thats right. A shed.

So i went to the back to have a look, only to see a great big monster staring at me through the kitchen window.

The bloody thing is about 5 million metres 5m by 8 million metres 8m. And about 3 million metres 3m high.

What in the name of all thats holy, possessed my father to buy an oversize plastic doll-house that can hold a million a thousand a hundred 50 illegal immigrants?!

Help. Save me from my parents. (-.-)

“I’m significant!” screamed the dust speck.

<grump>

There is a place called Central^© just above Clarke Quay MRT station.

I don't like that place.

Its full of beautiful people.

And i'm not one of them.

-----

Our office has moved to one floor up, due to the exorbitant landlord wanting to cash in on the uprising property market and therefore charging exorbitant rent.

As a result, i've we've just spent the whole of Friday and Saturday doing manual labour by packing, moving and unpacking.

Now our semi-new office is up and running just after two days of furious packing, coordinating the movers, unpacking and setting up our work-stations, albeit moving only one floor up.

Now i have officially exceeded reached my yearly quota of manual labour which is just one hour.

</grump>