"If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else." - Laurence J. Peter

“Harper, your song has a sorrowful sound,
Though the tune was written as gay.
Your voice is sad and your hands are slow
And your eye meeting mine turns away.”
- “Dragonsong” by Anne McCaffrey


The end of 2006.


The end of a year.


The end of my studies.


The end of my university life.


The end of my social life.


The end of my love life.


The end of my romance.


The end of my smiles.


The end of my reason to be happy.


The End.


“When Nakor looked back at Magnus, he found the magician lost in thought. Having some idea where those thoughts led, Nakor said, “You should have found another, Magnus.”
Magnus looked down at his former teacher. "Some wounds never heal. You just bind them up and go on with life."”
- “Talon of the Silver Hawk” by Raymond E. Feist

"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." - Susan Ertz

"Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient.
It's called 'rain'."
- Michael McClary

Rain. A drizzle. A shower. A downpour. A thunderstorm. The tears of gods. The life-bringer. The banisher of heat and bringer of a cool respite. In Chinese myths, the dragons of the four seas bring rain. In Norse myths, the god, Thor, uses his hammer to produce thunder. In Greek myths, the king of gods, Zeus, hurls lighting bolts as weapons.

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."
- Mark Twain

Have you ever watched from above when it rains? As rain falls, umbrellas emerge. Forming a colorful kaleidescope, its fascinating to watch. Colors bobbing in and out, shifting here and there. It is like watching an giant invisible hand shifting the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, trying to fit each and every one into its proper place.

"Rain, wash away my sorrow,
Take away my pain,
Your love's coming down like rain"
- "Rain" by Madonna

The pitter-patter of rain falling is like the soothing words of a mother to a fretful child. Its musical symphony brings peace and calm into a frantic life. It is probably the best melody of all time and one that would last forever. When you hear it, you know that the world is at right and that all is well.

Have you ever played in the rain? Is it not the most liberating feeling in the world? The feeling that you have braved the elements. The feeling of cool water running through your body. The feeling of freedom and irrational ecstasy. Smiles and grins break out. Chuckles and laughter bubble through the moist air. It seems as though the rain washes away your sorrow and brings a clean new slate.

"'But it always rains when people cry.'
'No, Laura. It rains because you cry.'"
- "Men in Black II"

Rain is also for the sad and depressed. It reflects the melancholy mood. It feels as though the gods share your pain and weep with you. With the rain, the grief intensifies with the feeling of loneliness and desolation. The feeling that your entire being is crying through every pore and skin. The feeling that your grieving heart is heavy with the rain of misery and anguish. The feeling of just wanting to lie there and somehow let the remorse flow out.

"The rain fell alike upon the just and upon the unjust,
and for nothing was there a why and a wherefore."
- W. Somerset Maugham

Rain. It showers on everyone, regardless of status, age or mood. It is one of the few who show true impartiality until the end of time, playing its beautiful melody.

So, what does rain do to you?

"Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance, And toss them on the wheels of Chance." - Juvenal

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of
loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

-----

-.-

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. Hhmm... :p

Whither Whence a Winter Wonderland?

It has been a most busy week. Although i've tried to clear as much work as i can, there is still a bit of work thats gonna carry over to next week. I can only hope that its not gonna happen again on a regular basis. -.-

-----

My colleague was so sick, he only worked for two weekdays. As a result, i had to attend a meeting for one of his projects, on his behalf. Being a bit of a gambler himself, he is quite determined to make up for his loss of pay due to his sickness, by betting on this weekend's soccer matches. :p

-----

If you just came back from a holiday and was due to set off the next day for a company trip, someone calls you for a favour by doing a bit of work before you go for the company trip, would you be most vexed and sian? And you would most likely take it out on the person responsible, would you not?

That was what happened to me. Only that i was the person responsible. -.-

My boss had asked an officer to takeover a substation for one of my projects. The officer was in the above said circumstances and had agreed as a favour to my boss. So, on Friday, i went down to the site and met up with the officer to inspect and handover the substation.

My first sentence was to apologise to him because the substation wasn't ready.

His reply and first sentence was, "Then what the fark am i here for? I purposely come down as a favour for your boss and now you tell me it isn't ready?"

It went rapidly downhill from there.

A most auspicious start to the end of the year.

Sighz... -.-

-----

I finally managed to put my photos up, using PhotoBucket instead of Flickr. PhotoBucket's account allows you up to 1 Gb of photos and videos. Flickr? A paltry 20 Mbs. -.-

I've never been really impressed with Yahoo somehow. There are programs out there which are better than it e.g. Google, Hotmail etc etc. And i reckon the slideshow effects for PhotoBucket are a lot more interesting as well. :p

All my photos were taken with my camera-phone. I don't air-brush them coz i've never been bothered to learn Adobe Photoshop. And i don't take pictures of myself, coz i dun want an outbreak of people falling dead when they see how fugly i am.

What you see is what you get. :)

"Sorrow in my soul, Cause it seems that wrong, Really loves my company" - Rihanna

"Belgarath sat on a rumpled cot. His elbows were on his knees, and his face was buried in his hands.

'Grandfather,' Garion said gently.

'What?'

'She wants to talk with you.'

Belgarath lifted his face. His expression was one of mute suffering."
- "Sorceress of Darshiva" by David Eddings

The Spirit of Australia

This afternoon, the weather was absolutely brilliant. The bright sun displaying its full glory and the wind in your hair. Puts me in mind of the summer weather back in Oz.

It was perfect for heading to the beach and lazing out.

Or lying on the grass patch, reading a good book.

Or sitting out in a cafe, having coffee and chatting with friends.

Or a game of soccer.

Or browsing casually through the flea markets.

... ...

Where and what was i doing?

Mundanely heading back to the office to get work done. Sighz...

I miss Australia. -.-

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am) - Ambrose Bierce

If there is one compulsion of mine, its that I'll almost never pass up the chance to look at books. Be it at a book sale, old or new book stores, markets, whichever. I can be lost in there for hours, searching for particular books or those which interest me.

Which is why, when i saw that the world's largest floating bookstore, the Doulos, was docked at VivoCity, i couldn't resist and went to have a look on Thursday. I headed over after work, and was hoping to buy some books before they close on the 19th Nov.

Sadly for me, the books which they carried, had a religion theme. The closest book i could find that was in my area of interest, was the Lord of the Rings trilogy. -.-

The disappointment i felt was slight. After all, i didn't really think that i would find anything. But as i headed down the departure gangway, i heard something that nearly ruin my whole day.

"This one 'lao-ya' one." ('lao-ya' means lousy for the clueless >.<)

The world's largest floating bookstore comes to town and all you have to say is that the departure gangway is 'lao-ya'?!

And judging by the tone of the offending voice, i deduced it was some old grumpy auntie. Probably typically singaporean, meaning she's probably selfish, inconsiderate, very kiasu, easily biased, only enjoys eating and shopping, and gives a rat's ass about nature and other people.

You all know her. She's the one who steps on your shoes, blissfully unaware of your glare and obvious pain. She's the one who waits in front of the MRT's door, ignoring the yellow line that tells us to give way to exiting passengers. She's the one who rushes into the train the second the doors are open, frantically looking for a seat. She's the one who pushes and shoves in a crowd, without apology nor hesitation.

I could go on.

And so, i shall.

She's the one who snatches items in a sale. She's the same person who bargains loudly down to the last cent in a market/pasa-malam, insisting on her own price. She's the one who barges herself into the front of a crowd, just to find out what's going on. She's the one who thinks that her own race should rule the country and that the other races are either lazy, scheming or suspicious. She's the one who thinks that everything should be done her way, and if it isn't, its 'lao-ya'.

The only reason why that offending remark didn't ruin my day was because VivoCity showcased the Aston Martin DB9 Coupe for the latest James Bond movie, Casino Royale. Aston Martin hasn't changed their signature-style and till today, every single one of their cars are still beautiful.

I wished they could have taken part in the Singapore Motor Show. It would have been a blast. :)

Petrol-Head Time...

Just been to the 8th Singapore Motor Show. It wasn't as crowded as i thought it would be. Took a couple of pictures with my handphone, so i apologize in advance for poor quality. :)

The highlight to me, was of course, the latest Ferrari: F599 GTB Fiorano. With 620 brake-horsepower (bhp), 0-100 km/h acceleration of 3.7s, a top speed of more than 330 km/h and its not-too-shabby looks, it is truly a supercar. I can't wait to see what TopGear thinks of it in its upcoming season. :)

This is the Ferrari F430. Balanced, poised and with the same technology used in Michael Schumacher's F1 car, it will out-turn any car in any corner. It is truly an engineering marvel.

The mad and flamboyant Lamborghini showcased its Gallardo Spyder. Isn't it a thing of beauty? :)

I wasn't planning to take any pictures of Lexus, but this one caught my eye. The car of course, not the girl. It looks fantastic. I don't have any information on it unfortunately.

On the more affordable range, we have the Nissan 350Z. Decent speed and looks too. The car of course, not the girl.

If my guess is correct, this is the same Honda F1 car that Jenson Button used when he won one of the races. That car is all curves and form (the car of course, not the girls >.<), spoiled by a small vertical windscreen. Another affordable car is the Honda S2000. Its double wishbone suspension and X-frame means that it takes a good driver to drive it well. A poor driver will simply be thrown out.

This is the ProDrive P2. Its a one-off and a technological showcase by ProDrive, who tunes cars for Subaru, Aston Martin, Ford, Porsche, Honda and BMW. Its a real pity that they're not gonna make it for road-use. The TopGear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson, drove this car in circles, going faster and faster until it made him throw up. :p

Anyone wanna contribute to the buy-a-car-for-ensui charity? :D

Super Blur Wednesday

Last Wednesday, i had a meeting at 9.30am in the architect's office. After the meeting, three incidences led me to believe that that particular day was the blur-est of my present "job-life":

1. After the meeting, i took the train back. Along the way, i stupidly and rather stone-ly step off at the wrong stop. I realised my blur-ness when i saw the station's name and managed to hop back onto the train. -.-

2. After stepping off at the correct stop this time, i walked back to my office. Along the way, i stupidly and rather stone-ly climbed the wrong flight of steps. I realised my blur-ness when i reached the second storey and thought: Hang on. Those doors and signages don't look right. Have i climbed the wrong flight of steps? -.-

3. After work, on my way back home, i took the train and contemplated my blur-ness. Along the way, i stupidly and stone-ly tried to recall what day it was. I thought: Is today a Monday? Or is it Tuiesday? Hang on. I had a meeting yesterday. So is it a Tuesday? Or is it Wednesday? If its Wednesday, what did i do on Monday? Hhhmmm... -.-

There is seriously no end to my blur-ness. -.-

On a better note, i bought a few new 'toys': A new G15 Logitech keyboard which has glowing blue keys, and another DVD-writer which comes from ASUS and can burn dual-layer dvds.

I can justify my retail therapy: for the new keyboard, my mother and younger brother had asked me to get a new one for the house computer. So I thought I'll buy a new one and let the house computer have my old keyboard. :)

As for the DVD-writer, i had already planned to get a second one for some time now. Reason for doing so was because i wanted to burn DVD from DVD. I chose this particular one mainly coz it was cheap and i rather trust ASUS. The dual-layer burning feature was a nice surprise. :)

I'm a happy blur engineer. :D

A Little Help Goes a Long Long Way...

As i read Ang Ku Kueh's post on the bone marrow drive, i pondered if i should go for it. This morning, i decided.

All it took was my text to confirm my attendance, head down to the place, 5 mins to fill up the form and my signature to say that i was willing to donate my bone marrow, and 5 mins to take my blood sample.


Thats it.


A person could spend 5 mins, a little blood and his/her agreement to help a fellow human being, who is cancer-stricken, probably in pain and bed-ridden.

Or.

A person could be selfish, ignore their cries and pleas for help while trying to wish them all to the moon so that he/she can get on with his/her own life of pursuing his/her own happiness and his/her own ambitions.

Personally, i think the choice is a no-brainer.

I've done my good deed for the day/week/month.

How about you? :)

"You have to play ping pong for 12 hours to lose one pound." So much for exercising. -.-

It has been a draining week for me. I had meetings for various projects from Monday to Wednesday. Came Thursday and Friday, i had to rush on several tasks for my boss and client. I honestly believed that i could've slumped asleep on the floor, on the way home last night.

Next week doesn't seem to look any different, judging from my diary of events.

Oh joy. -.-

Weird Piece of News One:
A couple of weeks back, i hailed a taxi to go for a meeting. Shortly after setting off, the taxi driver suddenly turned to me and asked in mandarin, "Do you like to eat curry?" 0.0

Shocked as i was, i hastily murmured a somewhat affirmative reply. He then proceeded to chat happily on the various food stalls that we passed along the way to my meeting place.

Now. I totally understand that taxi drivers get lonely and want to chat as a way to relieve their boredom. I just wish that they have a better way of starting a conversation.

Turning to your passenger shortly after you pick them up and asking them if they like to eat curry, is not my ideal way of starting a conversation. -.-

Weird Piece of News Two:
We went to visit our malay colleague's house today for a somewhat belated Hari Raya, though it was probably more of an excuse to have a gathering of sorts. :p

I arranged with my friend to meet up at the nearby train station at 12pm, since the visit was scheduled at 1pm. Turned out the train came slow and he texted me to say that he would be late by 15 mins.

When i finally set off and reached there at 12.35ish, thinking i was late and that he had already arrived, it turned out that he was even later. He finally arrived 5mins after i reached the said train station, complaining about how long the train took to arrive.

Since we were planning to take a taxi to our colleague's house, he was to join the taxi queue while i went to buy some chocolates as a gift. When i came out, he had disappeared from the queue and a silver van was frantically horning with its occupants waving hysterically to get my attention.

It turned out to be two of our colleagues who were on their way to the house too. They were suppose to pick up the rest, but took a wrong turn and by sheer chance, saw my friend who told them that i went to buy chocolates. So we went to pick up the rest and went to the house in one big group.

So. In summary, i met up with my friend 40 mins later than arranged, went to buy chocolates while my friend waited for a taxi, and our colleagues saw us at the taxi stand by chance because they took a wrong turn.

Talk about making the right mistakes. -.-

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe...

This is what happened to a pair of shoes which i bought approximately one month ago. -.-

"On the right corner, weighing about 300 grams, winner of the 'Hardworking Shoe Championship' and 'Which Leg Starts First Contest'... ... we hhhaaavvveee The Right Shoe!!!"



"And on the left corner, weighing about 300 grams, winner of the 'One Leg Standing Competition' and 'Best Supporting Shoe Award'... ... we hhhaaavvveee The Left Shoe!!!"



No wonder i was hearing a peculiar sound when i walked. It sounded like someone stepping on a bicycle air pump. >.<

Now i know. It was the sound of the shoes gasping for breath as they teetered on their last legs. :p

Sign on the expressway: Lemmings

It has been approximately one month since i started on my new job and here are reasons why my new job is the best (>.<):

1. I have to climb a hill everyday to take the mrt and four flights of stairs to my office. As a result, i'm sweating reservoirs when i reach my cubicle and i'm told that i've lost weight.

2. We had a sushi company lunch which was probably the healthiest that one can have. Free lunch is always good, albeit a healthy one.

3. We had another company lunch (catered) to bid farewell to the departing engineer. Two free lunches in a month is always good.

4. Due to the small size of the company, i have to learn electrical engineering stuff as well. Things like the substation layout, single-line diagrams, lightning protection and artificial lighting, are being crammed into my puny brain. i swear that when i quit from this job, i can graduate with a EEE diploma, if not a degree.

5. I heard from the designers that in other companies, there will be mechanical and electrical engineers assigned to a project. Here, our engineers are expected to handle both roles. In addition, designers from other companies only specialise in a certain field, like fire protection, water and sanitary, or ACMV. Here, our mechanical designers are expected to handle all the mechanical services.

6. My boss is a humorous person, albeit a demanding one. He often uses metaphors and examples to explain his point. There was once when we were discussing if we needed lightning protection for the swimming pool railings in a particular project. He told us this: if a person in a swimming pool dies because of a lightning strike, no one will care coz that person is stupid enuff to be in the pool during a lightning strike. However, if a person at the swimming pool deck dies becuase of a lightning strike, then there will be an investigation. Faced with such a point, we had no choice but to concede that he's right.

7. You get to hear all kinds of stories from the construction industry. We were told that a particular condominium project, during piling, had shifted two units by a 100 mm. The foreman knew of this mistake, but ordered work to be carried on. When they built to the third or fourth floor, the structural engineer found out and told them to demolish and redo.

Random Rumblings, Ravings and Rantings...

Rumblings:
Went to sit in for another meeting today. It is a relatively simple project, which had already started sometime ago. My colleague, who is gonna quit at the end of the month (i'm suspecting i'm replacing her >.<), had already done most of the work for me. Hence, there was little for me to do but listen and take notes when she told me of our responsibilities in the project.

Along the way to the site (which was in Tuas >.<) and back to the office, we chatted and she tried to allay my fears of screwing things up and gave a few pointers on the job scope (my friend had told me recently that during school days, if we get something wrong, marks got deducted, now if we get something wrong, it will be far far worse >.<).

I was also informed that the calculation of air-conditioning was a simple formula. (-.-)

In my last university session, my lecturer had given us an assignment to calculate the power of the air-conditioning in a section of the university library. Me and my friends spent ALOT of time and effort pouring over the long list of the various formulas and steps taken. And to think that the company actually reduced it all down to ONE single formula.

Thats really depressing. (-.-)

Rantings:
When i was serving my national service, i wanted to enter a combat unit coz i felt i could learn more (but it required me to stay-in and only book out on weekends >.<). My original posting was a base unit, which allowed me to book out everyday. When one of my friends offered to swap his posting with me, i jumped at the chance. Many of my friends thought i was crazy but till now, i don't regret my decision.

Yes, i'm still crazy. (-.-)

The reason why i'm bringing this up is this: When i was at the base unit temporarily, i found that the daily booking out caused me to be scatter-brained and start thinking of stupid things (like being paranoid and far-fetched stuff >.<). However, when i was in the combat unit, i was surrounded by my friends and things to do. Their constant company kept me sane and life was simple, if not monotonous and mundane. i became more focused and didn't think of stupid things coz i had constant company.

Right now, i wished i could do the same. When i head home after work these days, i start to think of stupid things again. Stuff like 'what if' and remembering our three years of love.

Yes, its really depressing too. (-.-)

Rantings:
In secondary school, i had an interesting chat with my friend. He wondered if in the future, one would be able to purchase 'time' like a commodity. I had refuted that notion coz 'bad' people would be able to use it to further their evil designs. My friend retorted that the police would be able to purchase 'time' as well to stop the 'bad' people. That statement certaintly shut me up. (-.-)

The reason for such stupid thoughts (see? I told i'm thinking stupid stuff these days >.<) is coz i saw a article on the web that the american police are starting to collect the DNA from everyone. The person who raised the issue up, was undoubtedly an american, for he was outraged by it.

Personally, i'm not bothered by it. I mean, our police force has a collection of every citizen's fingerprints. In my opinion, thats no different to having your DNA taken. If you're not gonna commit a crime, why should you be afraid? Some might say that its our right to refuse, but if it helps the police track down the criminal, why should we refuse?

Back to main point of how this article made me remember my secondary school days conversation.

If the police were to have a collection of everyone's DNA, would it really help? I'm sure in the future, criminals would be able to wipe off all signs of their DNA at the crime scene. I won't be surprised if such a notion has already happened. If it is possible to change your DNA even slightly, that would simply render the collection of DNA as good as the collection of fingerprints: it would help, but probably not as much as it should be.

Yes, thats the third depressing point. (-.-)

*pensive sigh*

Herein ends the explanation of some random, depressing bits in my rather mundane life.

Days of sheer unmitigated blah

Apologies.

I know i'm suppose to concentrate on my new job, post stuff on how irritating my job/colleagues are, and to get over my break-up. If so, you might wanna skip reading this post. If not, read on at your own risk.

“Don’t leave me alone
The cry in the night
Of anguish heart-striking
Of soul-killing fright.
Live for my living
Or else I must die
Don’t leave me alone.
A world heard that cry.”
- “Dragonsinger: Harper of Pern” by Anne McCaffrey

“I walked fast because I wanted to be exhausted by nightfall. I made sure that I was too tired to dream. The only trouble with that plan lay in the fact that everything in the Vale aroused memories of Poledra. Have you any idea how many snowy owls there are in this world?”
- “Belgarath The Sorcerer” by David and Leigh Eddings

“‘The tears I feel today
I’ll wait to shed tomorrow
Though I’ll not sleep this night
Nor find surcease from sorrow.
My eyes must keep their sight:
I dare not be tear blinded.
I must be free to talk
Not choked with grief, clear minded.
My mouth cannot betray
The anguish that I know.
Yes, I’ll keep my tears till later:
But my grief will never go.’
- Menolly’s ‘Song for Petiron’”
- “Dragonsinger: Harper of Pern” by Anne McCaffrey

“Juggling comes naturally to everyone. We juggle our friends, keeping one in the air while we squeeze attention from another. We juggle our work with pleasure, our needs with our shame, and even our love with our hate. Everyone juggles, all of us trying to keep as many balls in the air as possible, trying to grab at each opportunity before it comes crashing down at our feet.”
- “Tanis: The Shadow Years” by Barbara Siegel and Scott Siegel


On MSN...

adam said: Got your sights on a new woman yet? Get back on the horse if ya fall off cowboy

Jason: trying to occupy myself said: Nah. I dunnoe if i can find another girl like her and if i WANT to find someone like her.


Yesterday with friends...

Friend: Try and find another one lor.

Me: Its not as easy as it sounds. We’ve been together for long. You just can’t say find another one, means find another one lor.


The above quotes from books and conversation with friends describes my feelings at the moment. With my new job at the moment, it does help keep my mind off things. But there are so many things that remind me of us when we were together.

There is only so much that a job can help keep one's mind off, i suppose. *melancholy sigh*

Sign on the expressway: Why do you do this everyday?

You know Singapore is really really small when your australian university classmate applied for the same job as you.

I neglected to post earlier that my classmate had applied for the same job and was scheduled to have an interview at the same time as me. Because i was early, during my interview, the boss had actually asked me if i knew him and asked if i could work with him.

This friend was the same one whom i had whing-ed about having bad referencing techniques in my earlier post. (-.-)

In order not to be rude and start slamming him, i simply said "we have different working styles" (i'm sorry, but i just couldn't bring myself to say that he's absolute rubbish and that he shouldn't be hired at all >.<).

His grades weren't as good as mine and he graduated without any honours. While the boss had offered me the job immediately, he didn't do so for my friend. He told my friend that he'll interview one more person before deciding.

On one hand, for obvious reasons, i wasn't really looking forward to working with him. On the other hand, at least i would see a friendly face when i come to work for the first few weeks.

In the end, he did get the job. And by some weird coincidence, we both wore a long-sleeve shirt with almost the same shade of blue on the first day of work. What a great start to my new job. (-.-)

Yesterday on the first day of work, during orientation...

Colleague: This is Mr XXX. These are the new engineers, Jason and Daniel.

Mr XXX: Hello. *shake hands* Wah. You two wear the same shirt ah?

Me: *mutters* Yeah. Come from the same university mah.

In the boss's office,

Boss: Daniel ah. Here are some simple projects for you to look through. *hands over two projects* They are very simple. Too simple, in fact. Jason ah. I give you something more complicated. *hands over one of the projects*

Me: 0.o *thinking: oohh ffarrkk*

Today at the office, after i returned from the toilet,

Daniel: Eh. Just now boss came by and said that he wants you to come along to one of his meetings to understudy him. He's gonna leave now, i think.

Me: Heh? You leh? You not coming ah?

Daniel: No leh. *shakes head*


Apparently, my boss had high expectations of me. I really hope i can fufill his expectations and not disappoint him. Haiz... (>.<)

P.S: Oh yeah, i forgot to explain what my job entails. Basically, we help large buildings to design and coordinate their water, electricity, sanitary, fire protection and HVAC (Heating, Ventilation and Air-Conditioning) systems. It is more of a project management role coz we'll liason with the cilent, architect, structural engineer, as well as the Singapore Power, Singapore Telcom and other various government services.

Permission To Enter The Working World Has Been Granted...

Yesterday at William Ng Consulting Engineers...

Boss: Hhhmm... You are a fresh graduate, so i don't really have much to ask you about. The most important thing is your attitude and that you are willing to learn.

Me: Erm... Yes.

Boss: Anyway, i don't want to look at too many people. If its ok with you, i'll start you off at $2300 and you can come in on monday. Thats the fourth, isn't it? Hhhmm... *looks at his calender and the job application form*

Me: *flabbergasted 0.o* Erm...

Boss: *looks up* No? Monday is not the fourth?

Me: *still flabbergasted* Erm... no no. Monday IS the fourth.

Boss: Why? You want more time to rest? Or you want to start one week later?

Me: *trying to recover* No no. Thats ok. I'm willing to start on Monday.


Today at the bank, settling my affairs...

Me: I wish to close this account and open a brand new account.

Bank Girl: Ok. No problem. *turns to computer to fill in the details* what is your occupation?

Me: Erm... *struggling against instinct to say 'student' or 'unemployed' >.<* Engineer

Bank Girl: *smiles* What company?

Me: Erm... *struggling to remember the proper name of company* 'William Ng Consultants', i think (?). Something like that...

Bank Girl: *chuckling softly* Ok. I'll just put 'William Ng Consultants' lah, k?

Me: Ok. *mutters* Just got the job yesterday *as if that sentence will explain my confusion >.<*

Bank Girl: *settles paperwork and trying to make small talk* so you started work already?

Me: *wry smile* No. Starting on monday.


That was my induction into the working world, i guess. *sighs* >.<

Reality bites...

To all:

Thank you for all your concern and wishes. I'm coping as well as could be expected, i guess. I still miss her terribly at times and at the back of my head, i had some delusions that we could somehow get back together again.

I simply could not forget someone whom i spent almost four years of my life with. I simply could not get over the fact that she is not with me anymore, after almost four years of love, soothing, encouragement and support. I simply could not let my memories of us fade.

In short, my status was 'love-sick child'.

“Your memory of your wife – it isn’t just your memory of her you are preserving, it is your memory of yourself. Yourself when you were happy. You can’t make love to another woman, or let another woman look like her.”
- "The Source of Magic" by Piers Anthony

But now, i have been given a short, sharp and piercing dose of reality.

She is not coming back to me.

Full stop.

Period.

I need to let it go. I need to get over it. I need to stop living in the past. I need to stop whinging and behave sensibly.

"It may be a bit late for such a revelation, but yes, it is true. It is time to relate to the present, without renouncing the past."
- "Night Mare" by Piers Anthony

I know the old adage "time will heal", since i have repeated the same advice to others before. I have no doubt it will, but for now it still hurts a little. There is still a small amount of grief, sadness, depression and disappointment in me.

I'll manage somehow. I'll live.

"There was a time I would have given all i had to hear those words from you, Pacis"
- "Camelot's Shadow" by Sarah Zettel

Broken-Hearted...

As it turns out, it was just the eye of the storm.

No matter how much i've tried and say, you will still leave me. I can try all i want to get us back together, but if your heart is not in it, then my efforts will be in vain. You have no idea how much pain and grief you have caused me.

"The tighter you hold onto me, the more i'll slip away."

And if i dun hold onto you at all, you will slip away forever, isn't it?

"I'm sorry"

I dun want your sorries and apologies. I just want you back. But no matter what i say or do, that's not going to happen, is it?

I guess this is it.

I will treasure our three years of love. I loved you and still do. If you need me, just give me a call and i'll try my best to be there. Good-bye... :(

For now...

For a brief respite, the storm of emotions relented. Is this calm the eye of the storm? or does it mean that the storm has passed? Only time will tell.

For now, i am determined not to give up and show that we can do it.